FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I was on the city bus, and there was a woman and her child sitting behind me. I began to feel tugging on my jacket so I leaned forward, assuming the child was pulling at my jacket. I sat back and felt the tugging again. After a couple of minutes, I heard the mother say "stop chewing on that!" FML

by nd.11 / 03/01/2010 at 11:59am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I went to the physician to check my rear because it was hurting. My usual doctor wasn't available, so he was replaced by a gorgeous woman with big cleavage. when she asked me to pull down my pants, she saw that I had a huge hard on. FML

by Joel_28 / 02/28/2010 at 7:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't see him but I hear him in the walls. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2010 at 6:16am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I was late for work so I went to smash the side window with a big rock. The rock bounced off the window and into my face. FML

by chevysprint / 02/28/2010 at 12:36am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I discovered that my abusive, obsessive, psychotic ex-boyfriend from over two years ago still has a thing for me. How did I find out? Although I've ignored him walking unnecessarily past my house for the past two months, it was hard to ignore when he fell from a tree outside my window. FML

by sacrophage / 02/27/2010 at 11:30pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I arrived at work to find an email from the manager whom I had bought concert tickets from the night before. He said he had actually sold those tickets to someone else. He still expects to be paid. FML

by mcfaily / 02/27/2010 at 3:45pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I found out that I spent a year helping my dad get back into shape, not for his own good health which was what I thought, but so that he could cheat on my mom with 5 other women. FML

by 0867142 / 02/26/2010 at 7:39pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, while waiting to do a presentation in class I felt someone flick my back, but when I turned around no one was there. It wasn't until I got up in front of the whole class that I felt my bra slowly sliding down my body. Turns out that the "flick" I felt was actually my bra clasp busting open. FML

by thewordsicantsay / 02/25/2010 at 2:05am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

by dumbbass / 02/24/2010 at 2:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years left me for a guy whose favorite color is camouflage. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2010 at 10:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I had a seizure at work. My boss walked by and saw me, but didn't help or do anything because he thought I was "picking something up off the floor." FML

by argh / 02/24/2010 at 1:29am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my boss made me some tortellini for lunch. As I was happily eating it, he started to give me a massage, while talking to his friends in Greek. He told me that he said "She's my #1 cashier." Turns out, what he really said was "See, if you feed them well, they let you touch them." FML

by meaganlea / 02/23/2010 at 12:17am / Canada (Quebec) / Work

Today, I found out that my ex-boyfriend stole a pair of my underwear, and still wears them to this day. FML

by anonymous / 02/22/2010 at 1:11pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous