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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. As I left his house and began to drive away, I see him chasing after my car barefoot. I stop and roll down the window, ready to listen to the speech he has prepared to win me over with. He takes a moment to catch his breath and says "I want my cellphone back". FML

#3874570
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10240) - you deserved it (56719)

On 07/19/2009 at 2:45am - love - by DramaQueen (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my brother replaced my cologne with whiskey. I have a job interview and I smell like a drunk. FML

#3838963
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41874) - you deserved it (3893)

On 07/17/2009 at 7:14pm - misc - by tukker (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was going to check out my secret condom stash. When I looked inside, I found a note. The note read: "Thanks hun, I really needed this. Love, Mom". FML

Today, my parents are freaking at me because I just got my report and I failed my first year of college. They told me they have never been more disappointed in me. I have to tell them that I'm also pregnant. FML

#3800582
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21722) - you deserved it (93468)

On 07/16/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by failure - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I learned that when you flush the toilet, the contents do not disappear into oblivion. They show up in your basement when your sewer backs up. And they come in greater numbers. FML

Today, my friend put a bunch of cheetos all over me at the beach while I was taking a nap. Next thing I know I'm being woken up by a bunch of seagulls attacking me. One pooped in my hair. FML

Today, my husband rescued our daughter's cat from a tree. She spent the next hour clapping and telling me how much of a hero he was. Last night at 2am I was awoken by meowing and had to rescue the same cat from the same tree, in the dark, and halfway down he shit on me. No one called me a hero. FML

#3767592
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48417) - you deserved it (5407)

On 07/15/2009 at 2:58am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was in the gas station and I saw this creepy lady staring at me and smiling. She just didn't stop. I even gave an awkward wave to let her know that I saw her staring at me. Finally I decided to confront the woman, turns out the overly happy woman was a cardboard cut out FML

#3763600
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13248) - you deserved it (61080)

On 07/15/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my girlfriend's mom pulled me aside and started telling me about how her daughter was extremely depressed and suicidal before she met me, and how happy her family is because of me. I was planning on breaking up with her within the next week. FML

#3750994
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48157) - you deserved it (8272)

On 07/14/2009 at 5:10pm - misc - by hungryman (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend watching a movie, my boyfriend then leans in and says: "You know, you're my favourite girlfriend." I then jokingly responded by saying: "You say that like I'm not the only girlfriend you have right now." I hate being right. FML

#3741978
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56272) - you deserved it (4438)

On 07/14/2009 at 10:02am - misc - by dinapar (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I had my first kiss at a party. Later, I was told that the guy had been dared to kiss the ugliest girl in the room. FML

#3714352
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70525) - you deserved it (6017)

On 07/13/2009 at 11:00am - misc - by FirstKiss (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my friend posted my picture on Craigslist under the "men seeking men" section. I got 16 replies with 2 hours. He then decided to post another picture of me under "men seeking women" to compare results. The only reply I got was from a man. FML

#3713033
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43864) - you deserved it (3659)

On 07/13/2009 at 9:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had gotten home from dropping my boyfriend off when my dad said "your phones been buzzing". I had a text saying "you're grounded," from my Dad. My Alarm saying 'Birth Control Pill' had been going off for a half hour while I was gone. FML

#3704342
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37544) - you deserved it (28838)

On 07/13/2009 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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