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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I was riding my bike on the side of the road because there was no sidewalk. Then a car with a loud horn honked at me. Pissed off, I turned around and screamed "shut the fuck up!" It was my girlfriend's parents saying hi. FML

#3349914
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12946) - you deserved it (60405)

On 06/29/2009 at 11:01pm - misc - by ZZ - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got beaten up by my ex-girlfriend's older brother who does mixed martial arts, because my ex saw me making out with another girl. We broke up over 6 months ago. FML

#3338347
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59034) - you deserved it (4492)

On 06/29/2009 at 3:55pm - misc - by thatCanadianGuy7 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I put on my "fat jeans" because none of my other jeans fit. Neither do my fat jeans. FML

#3335401
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24151) - you deserved it (42077)

On 06/29/2009 at 1:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friend and I were in her moms car talking about which job was harder: actor or artist. I said, "Art is easy. You just scribble on a piece of paper and call it abstract art." Her mom squinted at me in the rearview mirror and my friend stopped talking. Then she said, "My mom is an artist." FML

#3314911
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12077) - you deserved it (45185)

On 06/28/2009 at 6:08pm - misc - by URGH (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was sitting at my desk eating cereal with my cat sleeping on my lap. I got a really funny text and I started laughing hysterically, and spilled my cereal all over my cat. I'll let you know how my legs, arms, neck and face heal up. FML

#3313899
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34688) - you deserved it (11972)

On 06/28/2009 at 5:30pm - animals - by Teylot (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I learned that when blender jars aren't locked, they fly off the blender, into the air, hit you in the head and explode all over your kitchen. Today, I also learned that after I'm attacked by a flying blender, the first thing my boyfriend asks is if I'm still gonna make him a smoothie. FML

#3254274
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44033) - you deserved it (11407)

On 06/26/2009 at 8:29pm - misc - by lifesmells - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was driving 3 of my guy friends to a party that was half an hour away. There was an awkward silence for most of the trip. I just figured out why now. I've had sex with all 3 of my guy friends. They talk about it when I'm not around. FML

#3210112
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12116) - you deserved it (98960)

On 06/25/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was visiting my friend's new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughter's. I'm a 37 year old male. FML

#3188725
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30398) - you deserved it (6541)

On 06/24/2009 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friend said he'd give me 20 bucks if I would ask out the ugliest girl in school. I did it. She rejected me. FML

#3171595
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17700) - you deserved it (100555)

On 06/24/2009 at 11:33am - love - by steven (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was working Customer Service at Wal Mart. An elderly lady came to my register to return a pair of white pants. I asked her what was wrong with them and she replied "even when I had underwear on you could still see my pubic hair." The pants had hair on them. FML

#3164567
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53940) - you deserved it (2794)

On 06/24/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on, and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something. I said no and continued. Moments later, three firemen opened the bedroom door and told us to get dressed and go outside because the building was on fire. FML

#3155973
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46519) - you deserved it (8883)

On 06/23/2009 at 8:56pm - love - by Jerf (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML

#3142518
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26313) - you deserved it (77506)

On 06/23/2009 at 10:19am - work - by uneek14 (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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