FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I finally got a job interview, and I thought it went amazing. They were supposed to call me today or tomorrow with the news. Today is also the day that my phone company decided to cut my phone off. FML

by goodtiming / 05/20/2010 at 12:58pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I shaved my legs and pits for the first time this summer. It took 3 disposable razors and an hour to get the job done. I've clearly been single for far too long. FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2010 at 7:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my entire family thinks I'm a lesbian. I'm straight. I'm embarrassed and don't know how to tell them that I've been single for so long because I can't get a guy. FML

by likesboys / 05/19/2010 at 8:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

by Cheese4men / 05/14/2010 at 7:28pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I tripped in front of my graduation class of 225 and all of their relatives while receiving my diploma. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2010 at 7:19pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, after taking a pregnancy test and carefully disposing of all the evidence so no one would find out, I realized I left the receipt for it on the bathroom counter. I noticed too late as I watch my mom step out of the bathroom, and my step-father go in right after. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2010 at 12:33am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, my mom decided our whole family is going on a diet. Why? Because the vet told us our dog is overweight, and she "didn't want Twix to suffer alone." FML

by fatpooch / 05/13/2010 at 2:01am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML

by izzie / 05/09/2010 at 10:15am / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Intimacy

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house. She had promised me we'd get it on so I couldn't wait. When I got there, I didn't get it on. Instead, I got a list of reasons why I make her depressed. FML

by bad boyfriend / 03/25/2010 at 9:50pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I was chatting with my girlfriend on MSN. I screen-copied my desktop to show her the conversation I was having with my best friend. Minutes later she replied asking why I had a porn site opened on the other tab. Oops. FML

by retard99 / 03/21/2010 at 12:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I dove into the water perfectly, and my bikini bottoms came off. I splashed around nervously. This guy must have thought I was drowning, and dove in to save me. He emerged from the water carrying a half naked girl. FML

by loser. / 03/20/2010 at 2:23am / Canada (Northwest Territories) / Holidays

Today, I was working, ripping siding off a house. I pulled off a sheet that was over my head. I got rained with what I thought was woodchips that was behind the siding. Turns out they were dead grasshoppers. Guess what I found in my bra after work. FML

by xUnluckyx / 03/18/2010 at 1:45am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I got into a fight with the dryer over a plastic toy car. My hand is bleeding and numb, three of my nails are broken and I have a bruise on my chin. The plastic car is still stuck in the now broken dryer. FML

by Loser / 03/17/2010 at 12:41am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous