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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to scare me by tilting the portable street toilets while I was taking a dump in one of them. One of my friends accidentally rocked it too hard and it fell on the floor. They wouldn't even let me sit in the car after because I had shit all over me. FML

#2820229
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54141) - you deserved it (2988)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by dontevenassk (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw some friends' cars at a friend's house, but thought nothing about it. Then I found pictures on Facebook of the pool party they had as a going away party for my friend who is leaving the country for three months. I had no idea my friend was leaving and I was the only one not invited. FML

#2813592
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39329) - you deserved it (4552)

On 06/11/2009 at 9:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML

#2801625
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64675) - you deserved it (14313)

On 06/11/2009 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by hdat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494
813 comments

I agree, your life sucks (113721) - you deserved it (71760)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML

#2754553
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75284) - you deserved it (5601)

On 06/09/2009 at 8:13pm - love - by SURPRISE (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was in the bathroom at the mall, when a homeless man came in mumbling to himself. Out of the 7 available urinals, he posted up at the one right beside me. Apparently he didn't get the memo that urinals aren't used to shit in. He talked to me the entire time. About his love life. FML

#2740544
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59412) - you deserved it (3508)

On 06/09/2009 at 12:13pm - misc - by blah (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML

#2733384
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42449) - you deserved it (3054)

On 06/08/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by nametag (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent causing the girl to scream and runaway. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

#2729024
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62680) - you deserved it (6504)

On 06/08/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by Baggabbles123 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

#2722142
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79302) - you deserved it (19066)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

#2681681
367 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39621) - you deserved it (97817)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:02am - love - by dawg3360 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to "cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair". FML

#2671287
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63059) - you deserved it (6438)

On 06/06/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was shopping at Shoppers Drug Mart with my mom. As we pulled up to the cashier, I noticed it was a really hot girl from my school. Trying to be cool, I told my mom that I'll be paying for the purchases. My debit card was denied. My mom had to pay. FML

#2658962
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9951) - you deserved it (53161)

On 06/06/2009 at 12:23pm - misc - by Goki (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while I was taking a break at work, someone stole my iPod from my desk. I work in a police station. FML

#2654949
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63151) - you deserved it (7095)

On 06/06/2009 at 7:18am - work - by foretwintie (man) - Canada (Quebec)



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