FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 12:10am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my sister asked me if she could go into my closet to borrow my favourite dress for a party she was going to tonight. When I asked her where she was going, she said to a Halloween costume party. My sister is going as a prostitute. FML

by meegs / 10/16/2010 at 8:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking to school. I started running to catch up with my friend. I yelled her name, and she turned around in time to watch me slip on a sheet of ice, fall face first, and pass out. When she ran to my side, I unconsciously peed on her. FML

by anonymous / 10/16/2010 at 11:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to class with my bag packed for a weekend trip when it began to vibrate violently. Stopping mid-lecture, the professor approached me and asked politely if I could turn off my cell phone as I was disturbing the other 150 pupils in the class. It was my personal vibrator. FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 7:01pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy

Today, my parents told me I was adopted. I can understand parents waiting for a child to be old enough to understand, but I'm 33 years old. FML

by anonymous / 10/15/2010 at 4:05am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally admitted to two girls in my first year university astronomy class that I have a strict 10pm bedtime. FML

by pathetic_girl / 10/14/2010 at 10:45am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up in bed with no pillows. I think the guy I slept with stole them. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 10:12pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I went to get a trim. However, follow-up damage control at home afterward shouldn't really be necessary on a fifty dollar haircut. FML

by grow_fasterrr - / 10/13/2010 at 1:28am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML

by tdiz / 10/12/2010 at 12:48am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I attended a musical. A new song was played, and I thought I'd heard it before because it sounded strangely familiar. I sang along quietly as the song progressed, positive I knew it. Anticipating the next chorus, I belted out the lyrics with all my heart. It was instrumental. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2010 at 6:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I scratched a lottery ticket I had gotten for my birthday and won $10,000. In celebration, I jumped up and raised my hands directly into a ceiling fan. Oh, and it was a fake ticket. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2010 at 5:07am / Canada (Quebec) / Money

Today, I was eating jell-o and was reading a fact website, when I read that gelatin is made from the collagen in cow or pig bones. I'm vegetarian. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2010 at 5:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, we were playing a game at work where whenever someone is in the washroom, we throw a 2 inch lug nut at the door because it makes a huge bang and scares whoever is in there. I was just opening the door to exit when someone threw the nut. It hit me in the face. FML

by PunctureWound / 10/09/2010 at 8:57pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health