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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She is telling everyone I am the baby's father, my current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML

#6863042
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24138) - you deserved it (8990)

On 12/21/2009 at 10:23am - intimacy - by johnG (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, in the middle of having sex, my boyfriend of two years got a call. After taking the call, he said, "It's an emergency," and that he has to go. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me is wife is going into labour. FML

#6848390
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28537) - you deserved it (5410)

On 12/20/2009 at 2:57pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML

#6842444
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40239) - you deserved it (3188)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to take a taxi to work, because I was pressed for time, and didn't have a ride there. When I got to work, I paid the cab driver, and realized I had spent more money on the cab than I was going to make at work. FML

#6839284
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25089) - you deserved it (4141)

On 12/20/2009 at 12:13am - money - by Fml37 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML

#6838288
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5206) - you deserved it (42260)

On 12/19/2009 at 11:24pm - misc - by Poser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML

#6838088
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20344) - you deserved it (3726)

On 12/19/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by omglifee (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML

#6837157
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11475) - you deserved it (25886)

On 12/19/2009 at 10:30pm - misc - by Stella (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, a woman pushed me at the bar and told me how much she's always hated me. She was my grade five teacher. FML

#6812281
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28320) - you deserved it (3207)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:44pm - misc - by flurina (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

#6793560
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12573) - you deserved it (23985)

On 12/17/2009 at 2:09pm - animals - by ohmy (woman) - Canada

Today, I walked into Old Navy to buy myself a pair of jingle jammies. Save yourself the embarrassment: don't shake the jammies in the middle of the store to hear the jingling, because these jammies do not jingle. You'll just look like an idiot. FML

#6787004
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6695) - you deserved it (31125)

On 12/17/2009 at 12:07am - misc - by sarabalism (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years confessed that he was sleeping with me and 5 other girls while we first started dating. He told me he numbered us and rolled a die to see which one he would date. I guess I won. FML

#6775724
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34354) - you deserved it (3423)

On 12/16/2009 at 7:09am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found the only man who hates sex. He's my boyfriend. FML

#6773256
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24208) - you deserved it (3856)

On 12/16/2009 at 1:15am - intimacy - by Unsatisfied (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was talking to my parents, when all of a sudden my dad starts freaking out and asking my mom how I got this really bad allergy on my face. My mom just laughed, and then I had to explain to him that it was just my acne. The worst part is, he was dead serious the whole time. FML

#6770677
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23336) - you deserved it (2099)

On 12/15/2009 at 10:34pm - misc - by allergyface (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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