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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML

#6635616
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25278) - you deserved it (9901)

On 12/06/2009 at 3:42pm - intimacy - by Ballhugger (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to get blood and urine tests done before work. As I was attempting to aim into the cup, I lost balance and slipped. I ended up peeing on my sleeves and my pants. I was late for work and I smelled like pee. FML

#6582615
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24627) - you deserved it (6561)

On 12/03/2009 at 11:08am - misc - by urinanalysis (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my very traditional grandmother has decided it's time for me to get married to Kevin. She's called half the town and informed them of the good news. I'm 17. I've never met Kevin. FML

#6580570
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41392) - you deserved it (1992)

On 12/03/2009 at 4:47am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I got invited out by friends for coffee after I broke up with my boyfriend. When I told my mom where I was going, she looked at me and said, "But you don't have friends. All your friends are pixels. Where are you really going?" FML

#6578691
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27891) - you deserved it (3367)

On 12/03/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by friendless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work, I was forced to listen to the Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers Christmas album on repeat for 8 hours. FML

#6563904
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33340) - you deserved it (3756)

On 12/02/2009 at 2:14am - work - by makeitstop - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I realized that you should never teach your 6 year old child how to use the microwave, unless you want to be cleaning melted pet fish for about half an hour. FML

#6554102
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37135) - you deserved it (10407)

On 12/01/2009 at 5:24pm - kids - by poopiemanlol - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend decided we are ready for the next step in our relationship. Apparently that next step is her taking a dump with the door open. FML

#6540223
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35450) - you deserved it (4536)

On 11/30/2009 at 8:55pm - love - by Cpm (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally had enough money to buy my girlfriend an engagement ring, which I was going to pick up after work. On my way to work, I slid on the ice and crashed into a parked vehicle. The damage to my car is almost twice the amount of the ring. FML

#6536864
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32168) - you deserved it (3079)

On 11/30/2009 at 6:24pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

#6532769
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28557) - you deserved it (8692)

On 11/30/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by SoVeryMonday (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

#6532125
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28702) - you deserved it (2617)

On 11/30/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by NeedHeadPhone (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women's washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML

#6526778
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36160) - you deserved it (2885)

On 11/30/2009 at 12:51am - intimacy - by Janer88 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I called my boyfriend to have a shoulder to cry on because my grandpa died. As soon as I told him, he started crying and telling me how much he missed his grandmother, who died six years ago. I spent the majority of the phone call listening to him wail. FML

#6519803
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28075) - you deserved it (5262)

On 11/29/2009 at 7:47pm - misc - by perfectmoment - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I locked my keys in the car while the car was running because I got out to get the parking ticket attached to my windshield. FML

#6507762
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11487) - you deserved it (23483)

On 11/29/2009 at 2:25am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)



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