FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML

by Anonymous / 01/22/2011 at 12:29am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I took the motherboard out of my computer so I could put more RAM and a new video card in. While I was in the bathroom my mom threw it all out because it 'looked like garbage'. FML

by computerguy / 01/21/2011 at 8:15pm / Canada (Alberta) / Geek

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

by welly223 / 01/20/2011 at 1:01am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, I was on a plane. When my flight attendant brought me my drink, it had a lid and a straw. He told me, very seriously, "not to spill." No one else got a lid. I'm 18, and apparently I look spill-prone. FML

by thisisme / 01/16/2011 at 8:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I went to get a tattoo of my girlfriend's name to surprise her. Halfway through the tattooing, she called and broke up with me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 5:48am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I decided to play a friendly game of Clue with my family. This resulted in one kid crying, one dad with a broken nose, two broken plates and a trip to Walmart to get a new Clue game. FML

by fail / 01/15/2011 at 8:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parrot won't stop repeating my boyfriend's name. The problem is we broke up days ago and my parrot won't shut up. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2011 at 11:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

Today, I was making out with a guy in a washroom at a party. Things got heavy and the guy lifted me onto the sink. The sink broke off from the wall. This caused a flood in the apartment. The party was canceled. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2011 at 10:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I told my husband I want to lose the baby weight I put on with my recent pregnancy, and once I succeed I will go on a clothes shopping spree. To this he remarked, "So either way I'm spending money; either on food or on clothes." FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2011 at 3:23am / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2011 at 12:31am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, a pretty co-worker invited me out for drinks after my shift. I have no money left until payday. Embarrassed, I had to decline and go home alone. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 2:31am / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to unlock my garage door. After shouting several profanities, my roommate walked up to me, turned the key the other way, and unlocked it. FML

by brandon / 01/10/2011 at 12:04pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss asked for recommendations on how to improve the office. I sent her an e-mail full of my ideas. Later, my boss sent me a reply, saying, "Here's what head office thinks of your ideas." It contained a list of insults upper management made about me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 8:23am / Canada (Alberta) / Work