FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I finally got the wedding dress I've been waiting months to see. It turns out that my mom ordered the dress 2 sizes smaller than my size, this way it will be "an incentive to lose weight". FML

by Angelica / 05/25/2011 at 11:19pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from my biological father, who I have never met in my life. As I was scrolling through his hobbies and interests, I saw "Drinking," "Black women with big asses," and "Getting laid, lol." FML

by Anonymous / 05/25/2011 at 4:33pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Intimacy

Today, my boss called me into his office. Expecting a long overdue promotion, I hurried in. Instead, he told me he thought I would be perfect to take his son on a pity date, because he is at a suicide risk from depression. FML

by Anonymous / 05/25/2011 at 1:21am / Canada / Work

Today, while I was mowing the lawn in my backyard, I ran over a glass bottle. My legs looked like a disco ball. FML

by tash / 05/24/2011 at 8:33am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my boss contacted me to come in for a quick meeting. I drove 30 minutes to get to work only to find out she was firing me and wanted my key card back. FML

by Anonymous / 05/23/2011 at 11:19pm / Canada (Quebec) / Work

Today, I went on a blind date. When I got there, I found out that the guy was a ventriloquist and was going to use his puppet to talk to me. FML

by severedface / 05/22/2011 at 1:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my pants felt a little looser than usual. Thinking I'd lost weight, I proudly went about my day. It wasn't until much later that I realised I hadn't lost any weight at all; my fly was down. FML

by woodchuck0022 / 05/21/2011 at 5:16pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called my mom and I got voicemail: "Hello, this is Joyce. I'm not here at the moment, so leave a message and I will call back as soon as possible. Except if it's Sophie. If it is, get the hell out of my life, biiitch." I'm Sophie. FML

by thatsasquee / 05/21/2011 at 2:42am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working at a restaurant, an elderly lady stuck my tip in my back pocket as I was walking away. I wish I knew this before I'd thrown her to the floor for touching my hiney. FML

by rioght onnn / 05/20/2011 at 3:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2011 at 7:05pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Kids

Today, my 53 year-old art teacher told me she's excited about going clubbing this weekend. I'm excited about watching a special on the History Channel. FML

by ThisPerson / 05/19/2011 at 6:11am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making out with this guy that I like. In an attempt to be romantic, he tried to pick me up and press me against the wall. He couldn't lift me off the ground. FML

by Fatty / 05/16/2011 at 10:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was trying to listen to a phone message I'd received. I was excited because I'd been waiting for the coaches to call me back for tryouts for a week now. Trying to figure out how to listen to it, I ended up deleting it. FML

by ihatelife / 05/14/2011 at 7:17pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous