FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, I found out my wife isn't cheating. She says she's just getting older and sex isn't important anymore. She's 27. FML

by wtf / 06/20/2011 at 3:43am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I was driving my motorcycle, and I noticed someone was in the ditch, so I went to go help them. When the ambulance showed up, they ran over my bike, totaling it. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2011 at 9:11pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up early to prepare for my graduation party. I'd invited the entire graduating class of 2011, and tons of people confirmed that they were going to come. Two hours after the time I'd told everyone to show up, I'm still the only one here. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2011 at 5:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to lie to my female roommate about what happened last night. She was drunk and spent half the night cuddling with me and trying to get me to kiss her. I've loved this girl for two years, but I promised her I wouldn't let her cheat on her boyfriend with anyone. Even me. FML

by anonymous / 06/15/2011 at 2:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I was approached by a police officer who instructed me to move because I was "threatening the elderly". I was sitting on a park bench in front of an old folks home. FML

by random / 06/15/2011 at 10:23am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out in a motel room. Just before we really got started I noticed that I forgot to close the drapes. Once I got up to close them I saw 3 maids and the manager run away. FML

by henry feingold / 06/10/2011 at 12:08am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I was under a building overhang to avoid getting drenched by the rain while waiting for the bus. Apparently that corner is notorious for drug dealing, I found this out when a man angrily demanded his drugs and chased me half a block. FML

by DrugDeal / 06/08/2011 at 9:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was mistaken for a prostitute. Twice. While in my work uniform. FML

by Bee / 06/07/2011 at 8:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML

by Jakub89 / 06/05/2011 at 4:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I bought a dog to make me feel less lonely. He ran away. FML

by Loveless / 06/05/2011 at 8:23am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I learned that if I don't give my mom attention immediately after she calls my name, she will throw a baseball at me. FML

by wooowmom / 06/04/2011 at 9:10pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a phone call at work about an emergency and I had to come home immediately. I arrived to find that no one had been hurt and the house hadn't burned down. The "emergency" was my mom ran out of milk and cigarettes. FML

by A / 06/04/2011 at 3:48pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend went on a date with her mechanic. She said it was to get discounts when she goes in for maintenance. Not only does she not see a problem with it, but she's probably getting discounts on other services too. FML

by hcflorence1 / 06/04/2011 at 1:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love