FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, a shifty customer came in to my store and was hanging around for about 30 minutes. Apparently, he took that time to put religiously-motivated anti-abortion notes into each and every pair of socks. In the following hours, I had 17 angry returns and was personally threatened twice. FML

by socknotes / 03/08/2016 at 11:02pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Work

Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML

by GrandTheftArson / 03/08/2016 at 10:51pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I had an accident at work. Not the kind involving worker's compensation. The kind involving desperately scrubbing my office chair with paper towels, before going home to change my pants. FML

by shart / 03/08/2016 at 9:48pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, an attractive woman sat beside me at the doctor's office. Unfortunately, on my other side was my senile old uncle who can't control his bowels, and after a few uncontrollable farts, she was on the other side of the room. FML

by thanksgrandpa / 03/08/2016 at 3:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my dad came over and ordered me, a 43 year-old woman, to purchase a kitchen table. He and my sisters are embarassed that we are still using a plastic folding table. It doesn't matter to them that we have just spent over $30,000 on renovations. His cousins are coming from Italy. FML

by always amazed / 03/07/2016 at 9:03am / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, my vet prescribed Xanax for my very anxious dog, because he keeps me awake all night whining and pacing. He slept soundly for about an hour, then woke up, threw up all over my carpet, and went right back to whining and pacing. FML

by Grimmerie / 03/07/2016 at 4:05am / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after 6 months of university, sex was finally had in my bed. Unfortunately, I had no part in it, though I was in the bed while it happened. FML

by AwkCockBlock / 03/06/2016 at 7:17pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, in my marketing class, we were categorizing musical groups by their age group. Someone asked, "What's a Beatle?" As in "The Beatles". FML

Today, my sister got her car insurance quote in the mail. You would think it would go way up after being charged with reckless driving. It went up $1 per month. My insurance went up $100 per month after I tapped someone's bumper a year ago. I wasn't even charged. FML

by why does the world hate me / 03/01/2016 at 1:23am / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I had to pee in a cup. The cup almost overflowed. My first instinct was to drink some so it didn't spill. FML

by killme / 02/29/2016 at 2:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my sister shared a post on Facebook which talked about how gays are destroying the "sanctity of marriage". I couldn't help but point out that she's been married 3 times in the last 7 years, while I've been happily married to my wife for nearly 9. She deleted my comment then blocked me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2016 at 4:15am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I said "I love you" to my girlfriend for the first time. She responded with, "I'm just gonna pretend I never heard that." FML

by Unreciprocated / 02/25/2016 at 1:12am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, while working as a hostess, one of my tattoos on my leg was showing. It's not uncommon for guests to comment on tattoos as we're high end and I'm one of two staff members with visible tattoos. What is uncommon is an elderly lady hiking up my skirt for a better view. I flashed everyone. FML

by Devlynfly / 02/24/2016 at 11:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.