FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, my class had a very important meeting about workplace safety. I thought I led some of my classmates to the meeting very well, until they informed me that I accidentally ran a red light on the way there. They brought this infraction up during the class every chance they got. FML

by greeter / 10/18/2016 at 2:49am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Work

Today I bought a 50$ voucher card to refill my phone. After I purchased it, I threw the receipt in the dustbin. When I got home, I found out that the 14-digit pin code was on the receipt. I basically threw 57 bucks in the dustbin. FML

by Iris / 10/12/2016 at 9:53am / Canada (Quebec) / Money

Today, while taking my toddler for a walk with the dog, he threw a tantrum and rammed one well-aimed finger directly up the poor dog's pooper. FML

by JEHR / 10/07/2016 at 3:21am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my coworker and I agreed to come clean and tell our fellow employees that we have been secretly dating for a while. Before we could, I received a promotion. I am now his boss. FML

by Da Boss / 10/04/2016 at 9:19pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I woke up with a nasty cough. My mother gave me cough syrup for it. After about 30 minutes, I was dizzy, nauseous, and high as a fucking kite. Turns out the cough syrup reacts badly with my prescription medications, making me even sicker than I already was. FML

by Chard of Glass / 10/04/2016 at 8:45am / Canada (Newfoundland) / Health

Today, I discovered that you should always check the litter box before vacuuming stray litter outside of it after my cat burst out from the box mid-piss and skittered around the house still pissing after I put the vacuum hose behind the box. FML

by mallyboo / 10/01/2016 at 10:38am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, while on the skytrain, a woman leaned on the railing bar that I was holding onto, crushing my hand. My first instinct was to move my hand when she turned around and began loudly yelling at me for, "Touching her waist" and "Sexually harassing" her. FML

by Whyudodis / 10/01/2016 at 3:18am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, after 3 weeks of my new job, I'm already having work-related dreams. I'm having troubles differentiating between the 8 hour shifts in real life and the 8 hour shifts in my dream. I'm doubly exhausted. FML

by do you want a bag / 09/24/2016 at 12:48am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, my mom told me she wouldn't be able to leave my middle-aged brother at home for Christmas in order to meet her first grandchild. FML

by sweet pea / 09/22/2016 at 5:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, and for the past two weeks, the people living directly above me have decided to add rearranging their furniture to their daily routines. Not only that but apparently, 6 a.m. is the most optimal time for them. FML

by Yellowsmellow / 09/22/2016 at 1:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML

by PleaseDontHateMe / 09/20/2016 at 12:42pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I was at work and I needed to pee. In my haste, I forgot to lock the door. A coworker walked in on me and I bolted up mid-stream to slam the door back shut. I had pee down my leg and pee squishing in my shoes for the rest of the day. I can still remember his tone of voice, yelling, "Sorry"! FML

by Pisspants / 09/17/2016 at 12:39am / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I was told I have narcolepsy, and I've it for a year and a half. When asked why I didn't go to a doctor before, I answered that I'd always assumed it was a normal adult thing to fall asleep randomly because of how everyone says they're always exhausted. Apparently not. FML

by littlekellilee / 09/16/2016 at 12:27am / Canada / Health