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FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, my wife thought it'd be hilarious to move all of our furniture two inches to the left as a prank to make me stub my toes. I'm pretty sure I've now banged the furniture more than I have my wife. FML

#21249869
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4134) - you deserved it (422)

On 09/01/2014 at 5:16pm - misc - by chairbanger (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, someone, and I still can't figure out who, switched my shampoo with mayonnaise. FML

#21249696
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19254) - you deserved it (1577)

On 09/01/2014 at 12:59pm - misc - by mayoshampoo - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went out with my best friend to McDonald's for a late night snack. Turns out she lied to me and just used me to pick up the boy she likes so they could go stargazing. I'm now laying beside them as they look at the stars and make out. I just want fries. FML

#21249351
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29224) - you deserved it (2900)

On 08/31/2014 at 10:55pm - love - by emilyparker - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was called in over speakers at the airport. The man who was speaking clearly and nearly burst out laughing when he said my name. Soon, a few people around also snickered when they heard it. I had to wait five minutes before I could casually stand up. My last name is Bastard. FML

#21248318
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34848) - you deserved it (2792)

On 08/30/2014 at 4:35am - misc - by poorbastard (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my parents sat me down and told me that I'm adopted. I took it in stride, and reassured them that as far as I'm concerned, they're my true parents. That annoyed them. Apparently the whole thing was a prank for a YouTube video, which I ruined by not crying or freaking out. FML

#21247893
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38612) - you deserved it (2519)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:09pm - kids - by hannahka (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML

#21244619
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29939) - you deserved it (5378)

On 08/24/2014 at 8:08pm - animals - by notmyrealname123 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I overheard my dad say "Last time I didn't use a condom, I ended up with Steven, so for god's sake use 'em." I'm Steven. FML

#21244545
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36505) - you deserved it (2802)

On 08/24/2014 at 5:19pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't really take flute lessons after all. In related news, every time my best friend supposedly drives her to flute lessons, he's actually taking her to his house for a different kind of activity. FML

#21243834
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47319) - you deserved it (5545)

On 08/23/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the living room. I jumped up and went running, only to find out it was my mother, who'd screamed at some dramatic plot twist in a Sex and the City episode. FML

#21243243
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35082) - you deserved it (2895)

On 08/22/2014 at 4:26pm - misc - by leastitwasntsurpriseanal (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML

#21242612
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32155) - you deserved it (2991)

On 08/21/2014 at 5:48pm - misc - by ReluctantAntEater (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML

#21242552
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39673) - you deserved it (2517)

On 08/21/2014 at 3:30pm - misc - by stepshart - Canada (Ontario)

Today, on my first day at as a photo editor at a print store, I had to spend over an hour editing a full shoot of a fat man eating a baguette in a bathtub, closeups included. FML

#21242471
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34453) - you deserved it (3194)

On 08/21/2014 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42449) - you deserved it (7393)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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