FMLs submitted from Canada

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 months told me he doesn't know how he feels about me because he's not excited when we meet and doesn't miss me when we don't text for a while. He decides to tell me this while we're laying in bed right after having sex for the first time. FML

by Her / 12/05/2016 at 12:01pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML

by Sleepless Dreams / 11/28/2016 at 11:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my boyfriend turned out to be a moron. Although he loves anal porn, he says gay sex is revolting. His reasoning? Because guys poop out of their buttholes. Apparently women don't. FML

by _kristaaxo / 11/21/2016 at 4:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was eating lunch on my first date with a really pretty girl, when my ex shows up at the same restaurant and starts telling her how bad of a boyfriend I was. My date left. FML

by anonymous / 11/19/2016 at 1:35pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, an older lady loudly accused me of masturbating on the public bus. I simply had my eyes closed and was twirling my hair. FML

Today, I was in the city newspaper for something I worked my ass off on. There was a picture of me working on my creation in the article with a caption, something like, "Chloe B, part of the robotics team." My name isn't Chloe, and I talked to the article writers. I haven't heard back at all. FML

by rainbowlack / 11/16/2016 at 7:53pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally shoved my finger up my cat's butt while trying to push him off my nightstand in the dark. FML

by catbum / 11/09/2016 at 10:54pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Animals

Today, I went into work, thinking it was my last day before I start my new job, as my 2-week notice said to the managers that I can't work after today. None of them believed that I was actually capable of getting a better job and thought my 2-week notice was a joke. FML

by work hard / 11/07/2016 at 7:38am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my cat used his expensive new bed for the first time since he got it last month. He used it as a litter box. FML

by All The Best People Are Crazy~ / 11/03/2016 at 11:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I had to go to work on my day off to suspend someone. Afterwards, I got a call saying I can't suspend the person in question because the supervisor who told me to suspend them was wrong. FML

by chelsay05 / 11/03/2016 at 8:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I got a cat so I'd have some company, since my roommate is always with her boyfriend. Too bad the cat likes her more. So now I get to sit and listen to her talk to her boyfriend to get to cuddle with my kitty. FML

by crazy cat lady / 11/03/2016 at 3:31pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Animals

Today, it's difficult being a single woman in my city: The female/male ratio is 3:1, and the last 3 dates I've been on were with a guy who kept asking for nudes, an aggressive raging alcoholic, and what turned out to be a married man. I'm seriously considering adopting several more cats. FML

by LittleRed79 / 11/03/2016 at 12:49am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I was sitting in my old rusty truck in an empty parking lot, when some old lady parks beside me and opens her door, hitting my truck. Having a used up truck, I didn't mind. But you could tell that it made her mad, when she came back with the manager demanding that I pay for her paint job. FML

by bagadigi / 10/27/2016 at 10:18am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation