FMLs submitted from Brazil

Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML

by tequilashot / 09/20/2016 at 12:40am / Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul) / Love

Today, I arrived at my internship at 7 am after three hours of sleep with a massive hangover. When I got there, my boss told me he had made a mistake and I was meant to come in next week. He then said, "Well, now that you're here, you might as well get some work done. Come in next week as well." FML

by idontevengetpaid / 09/05/2016 at 12:35am / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Work

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has a Facebook account. He said he didn't have one. Apparently he's not divorced after all. FML

by debiebs / 12/29/2015 at 7:04am / Brazil (Bahia) / Love

Today, my father is really enjoying the iPhone my mother gave him for Christmas. He's enjoying it so much that he's already installed all sorts of dating apps. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2015 at 7:38pm / Brazil (Santa Catarina) / Love

Today, it was still easier for me to get an engineering PhD than it is to get a girlfriend. FML

by still single / 08/05/2015 at 9:22pm / Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul) / Love

Today, I was home alone and tried to make some popcorn so I could watch a movie. Thirty minutes later, my parents came home and found me talking to the firemen. FML

by almost_a_pro / 04/23/2015 at 9:43am / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Miscellaneous

Today, while discussing my grades with my mother, she told me that when she was my age she was dumb but hardworking, and my dad was lazy but very smart. She then added, "You managed to get the worst out of each of us." FML

by Daughter of the year / 03/10/2015 at 8:19pm / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a rejection letter from a job I desperately wanted. Yesterday, the job offer I'd been stalling on in while waiting for news about this one expired. FML

by badtiming / 03/03/2015 at 12:18pm / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Work

Today, my daughter put a doll in the microwave "to keep her warm". She's 17. FML

by wtfdaughter / 02/03/2015 at 11:59am / Brazil (Pernambuco) / Kids

Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML

by terdberglerforlyfe / 12/07/2014 at 3:54pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Kids

Today, I've been one year sober. My health has improved a lot, unlike my social life, which has died a horrible, lonely death. FML

by not drunk / 10/28/2014 at 2:04pm / Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul) / Health

Today, we spent an entire day without being able to do work because our internet connection was down. Turns out, only the router had crashed and nobody bothered to reset it "to avoid doing further damage". FML

by disconnected / 09/23/2014 at 4:19pm / Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul) / Work

Today, I went on a date with this girl. Turns out she's a software developer, too. Our date became a technical discussion. FML

by devdevdev / 07/01/2014 at 9:20pm / Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul) / Love