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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 mins. I stayed in there even though I finished shitting after 5 mins, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML

#2937594
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31942) - you deserved it (4213)

On 06/16/2009 at 10:59am - work - by yuen (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my grandpa died. I decided to call my grandma to make sure she was going to be fine. After talking over the phone for 30 minutes or so, I told her goodbye and said, out of habit: "Say hi to grandpa for me". FML

#2901718
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45783) - you deserved it (23295)

On 06/15/2009 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I accidentally left my concession card in the photocopier. I then got fined for not having a concession card on the train. I was photocopying it for a letter to get out of a fine for not having a concession card. FML

#2881369
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13218) - you deserved it (37327)

On 06/14/2009 at 9:16am - money - by LordAdam (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML

#2881104
367 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29614) - you deserved it (53393)

On 06/14/2009 at 8:46am - misc - by locksmack (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML

#2855395
406 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80992) - you deserved it (3780)

On 06/13/2009 at 11:13am - misc - by Toothy_Peg (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was about to go and take a shower when I saw a pair of scissors taped to the door at eye level with a note from my boyfriend saying "Time to trim that hairy thang down under." FML

#2797369
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31463) - you deserved it (51438)

On 06/11/2009 at 9:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

#2796637
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78658) - you deserved it (22052)

On 06/11/2009 at 7:52am - work - by apav (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I failed a basic intelligence test when the mouse trap I was setting up snapped on my thumb. Later, when I checked the trap I saw that the mouse had managed to lick all the bait off the trap without being caught, I have a sore thumb and was outsmarted by a rodent. FML

#2765186
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33159) - you deserved it (12534)

On 06/10/2009 at 4:13am - animals - by Trapped (woman) - Australia

Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they blow out the candles and the girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight". The guy next to me was her dad. FML

#2713232
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14278) - you deserved it (83983)

On 06/08/2009 at 6:39am - intimacy - by baller (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML

#2711154
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29159) - you deserved it (38655)

On 06/08/2009 at 2:54am - misc - by KBO (woman) - Australia

Today, I was at an awards dinner. I whispered in my wifes ear that she looked really pretty. She whispered in my ear that I should stop clapping so loud because I was embarrassing her. FML

#2654744
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40917) - you deserved it (6257)

On 06/06/2009 at 6:24am - love - by Discostu80 - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had the closing shift at work in a cafe and there was a man and lady left. I made them coffee and started to close up. When the lady finished her coffee she grabbed my arm and said 'I think that man is masturbating' and leaves in a hurry. I had to wait for him to finish before closing. FML

#2624268
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58915) - you deserved it (3784)

On 06/05/2009 at 3:43am - intimacy - by MBG (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my fiancé of two years told me he was bored of me and he'd just prolonged the engagement to see if anyone more interesting would come along in the mean time. He was upset because no one did. FML

#2595343
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55069) - you deserved it (3089)

On 06/04/2009 at 10:46am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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