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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I found a wallet on the train. I called the owner, who said he would come around and pick it up. When he finally did, he looked inside and screamed that his money was missing, and that I was a dirty thief. I never took a cent. He's filing theft charges against me. FML

#4331157
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64541) - you deserved it (3996)

On 08/06/2009 at 9:14am - misc - by Shopgirl (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I walked into my new maths class. I stepped inside only to be yelled at by the teacher for nearly 15 minutes. I was then told never to enter her class again and was sent to the principal. My identical twin brother was in her class the period before me. He also has a thing for older women. FML

#4329810
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58722) - you deserved it (2833)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:10am - misc - by slamo (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was introduced to my future stepmother, but it turns out that I already know her. Not only are we the same age and went to the same high school, when we were in the same math class together the teacher would often confuse our names because "we could pass as twins". FML

#4329050
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65314) - you deserved it (2804)

On 08/06/2009 at 4:45am - misc - by whatismydadthinking (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I had to call poison control because my idiot son swallowed a bunch of baking soda to "make a volcano in his tummy." FML

#4326730
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48832) - you deserved it (16161)

On 08/06/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to my grandfathers' funeral. As I stood there, bawling my eyes out, my aunt came over and put her arm around me. She leaned her head close to mine. I assumed she was going to say something comforting, instead she asked where I'd bought my shoes from. FML

#4251374
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42320) - you deserved it (2894)

On 08/03/2009 at 8:04am - misc - by whitneyy (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML

#4227186
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42011) - you deserved it (11007)

On 08/02/2009 at 9:40am - misc - by soembarrassed (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I woke up and called my boyfriend. We had amazing phone sex, even better because no one was home and we didn't have to be quiet. Afterwards, I walk out into the kitchen. My mum hadn't gone to work that morning. FML

#4226426
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17522) - you deserved it (52691)

On 08/02/2009 at 7:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML

#4223881
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50223) - you deserved it (9521)

On 08/02/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by dam01 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I gave my mother a pre-prepared deposit envelope with my fortnightly wage in it, in cash. I tell her exactly where the deposit box is and what to do. I'm now desperately calling the bank because my mother accidentely put my $1200 deposit in the little trash can for receipts under the ATM. FML

#4204069
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42542) - you deserved it (12374)

On 08/01/2009 at 10:08am - money - by outagrand (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mum deleted my college research assignment on rape because the subject was too vulgar. I had worked on it for the past month and it was worth 50% of my grade. It's due tomorrow. FML

#4192462
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63013) - you deserved it (4014)

On 07/31/2009 at 9:51pm - work - by mandy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML

#4179719
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63980) - you deserved it (6578)

On 07/31/2009 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I saw this cute girl at a bar and decided to go and chat her up. After charming her with my usual crap for a while, I told her she was really pretty and asked for her number. She replied "You asshole, I met you here a year ago and gave you my number, and you never called me." FML

#4102567
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8632) - you deserved it (110882)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I decided I was going to dump my needy girlfriend. I was about to break the news when she stopped me. She showed me her new tattoo she had gotten. Our names, surrounded by a love heart spread across her back. She reckons I should get a matching one. FML

#4074077
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65049) - you deserved it (7756)

On 07/27/2009 at 4:12am - love - by DAMMit (man) - Australia (Victoria)



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