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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, while at work in a subscription TV call center, a 71 year old male customer went into explicit detail about the Adult's Only programming that he enjoys, including all the kinky things he learns from said programming and tries out on his 70 year old wife. FML

#1416209
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64230) - you deserved it (5693)

On 04/28/2009 at 5:44am - intimacy - by Lockie (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

#1384927
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9275) - you deserved it (47732)

On 04/27/2009 at 5:14am - misc - by maddie94 (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, as a respected artist I was running a workshop with a bunch of rowdy college kids. I was in the middle of demonstrating a painting technique when I accidentally washed my paintbrush in my coffee instead of my paint water. They waited until I then drank from it to burst out in hysterics. FML

#1284029
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36849) - you deserved it (11376)

On 04/24/2009 at 5:04am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML

#1219528
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65991) - you deserved it (5661)

On 04/22/2009 at 11:26am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, as I caught the train home, a woman got on and sat on the only available seat next to me. We got talking and as the train approached the next station, she said that this was her stop and she had to go. She exited the train and I turn to see her enter the compartment behind me. FML

#1215517
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42741) - you deserved it (6324)

On 04/22/2009 at 3:48am - misc - by DonMare (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to a cosmetic dentist and got a chip in my tooth filled in that I’d had since I was 7. I went out later and my friend jokingly hit my head against the table a few times to make fun of me showing off my teeth. He slipped. I fell. I now have 2 chipped teeth and a broken nose. FML

#1186879
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51773) - you deserved it (9126)

On 04/21/2009 at 6:51am - health - by Chip (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was giving a presentation to a group of high school kids about how being 'cool' wasn't as important as they might think. When I was done I asked for questions. A kid says, "Miss, I get that you're not into being cool, but you're wearing your pants inside out.' He was right. FML

#1148346
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36665) - you deserved it (21308)

On 04/20/2009 at 8:21am - misc - by indi1011 (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I called my mom from Australia. I have been abroad for two months and hadn't talked to her in a long time. A few minutes into the conversation my moms stops me and says this call must cost a fortune and hangs up on me. A few bucks in more important to her then me. FML

#1147049
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43921) - you deserved it (4719)

On 04/20/2009 at 4:52am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to my new dentist and before he started looking at my teeth, I told him my previous dentist had never found a single thing wrong with my teeth. After looking around, he chuckled humourlessly and called my last dentist idiotic. I now have a $580 bill and a root canal next week. FML

#1143838
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43339) - you deserved it (4486)

On 04/20/2009 at 1:20am - health - by Novocain (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a customer came in to the Pizza store where I work and complained that the food they had purchased had a strand of black hair in it. After some deliberation, my boss decided to fire me. He is the only staff member there with black hair. I shaved my hair 2 weeks ago. FML

#965793
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74358) - you deserved it (2702)

On 04/14/2009 at 7:18am - work - by hcfan (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

#946704
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (140515) - you deserved it (20541)

On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was fooling around with someone I had met at a club, in my room. It got really heated, and I was really getting into this guy, until he lifts up my leg and asks "Can I lick your leg?" FML

#898181
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49955) - you deserved it (20271)

On 04/10/2009 at 5:43am - intimacy - by cherry (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while working at a Subway store right next to a big hospital, there was a big line of people all getting their subs toasted. Without turning around, I asked the next person in line, "I'll bet you want yours extra toasted?" She was a burns victim from the hospital. FML



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