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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, the bank called saying we were late in the mortgage payments. I was puzzled because three months ago I issued a big cheque to my mum pay off the mortgage. I just discovered that she instead lost it all at the casino. Turns out, she's become a compulsive gambler ever since dad passed away. FML

#4853130
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45452) - you deserved it (3365)

On 08/27/2009 at 1:53am - money - by smoothcoffee (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

#4803927
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14034) - you deserved it (58071)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by damnit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for god knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowningly drove it. FML

#4774663
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13391) - you deserved it (42590)

On 08/24/2009 at 12:49am - misc - by snakeboy (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my mother and father are insisting that I go on a date with a German exchange student they met on the weekend. Why? Because we have similar glasses. FML

#4756987
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32004) - you deserved it (3402)

On 08/23/2009 at 9:29am - love - by Foureyes (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, a friend jokingly asked who in my relationship wears the pants. My girlfriend replied, "I'm not sure, but I've got photos to prove I don't wear the skirt." FML

#4754202
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8889) - you deserved it (31920)

On 08/23/2009 at 2:54am - love - by Crossy (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year old daughter and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy i'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML

#4730526
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33836) - you deserved it (3938)

On 08/22/2009 at 5:29am - kids - by naughtyshirt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML

#4730370
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34652) - you deserved it (10870)

On 08/22/2009 at 5:07am - health - by Buggga (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I needed new business cards so I went to design and print some. After I designed, I was happy with them and printed off 100 copies. I live at a place called Canal Rocks. I forgot the 'C'. I now have 76 business cards which say 'anal rocks.' I already distributed 24. FML

#4678208
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15524) - you deserved it (43025)

On 08/20/2009 at 9:23am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I drank 1.5 litres of water. I didn't go to the bathroom for 9 hours. During my one hour trek home on public transport, I was busting to pee but I managed to hold it. Walking 200m from my bus stop to my house was agony, but I still held it. When I got to my front door I peed my pants. FML

#4677149
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19505) - you deserved it (40587)

On 08/20/2009 at 7:02am - misc - by anon9876542 - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I said something in class and someone mimicked me. In a self-pitying mood, I exclaimed, "Everybody hates me!" The girl behind me then said, "Pretty much." FML

#4676323
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19094) - you deserved it (42732)

On 08/20/2009 at 4:54am - misc - by guitar_chick7 (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my band played its first real gig. It was going well, and I, the vocalist, thought it would be a good idea to stage dive. I underestimated the distance between the stage and the crowd and crashed into the floor. FML

#4652929
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8849) - you deserved it (53363)

On 08/19/2009 at 10:36am - misc - by stagedivefail (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend of 5 years. I love her so much and I've been treating her extremely well. Before I could pop the question, she said in these exact words: "Babe, our relationship is like a drunken night. Fun while it lasted but its something I'd rather forget." FML

#4595974
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56502) - you deserved it (3058)

On 08/17/2009 at 8:04am - love - by singleandheartbroken (man) - Australia (Victoria)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was trying to get money out of an ATM. It gave me twenty dollars short, so I started hitting it and kicking it, just as the Chubb security guys came up to refill it. I got tazered. Twice. FML

#4595424
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20693) - you deserved it (42203)

On 08/17/2009 at 6:42am - money - by SnakeEyes (man) - Australia (Queensland)



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