Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, my husband decided it was time to tell me he had a 3 year old son. We have been married for 5 years. FML

#5389483
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49543) - you deserved it (2686)

On 09/21/2009 at 5:35am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was at work and was trying to cheer up my stressed out manager by chatting. We were on the subject of sleeping in when I told her that I loved to be lazy and sleep in when I could. She looked up and down me and then answered, "I can see that." FML

#5368634
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26979) - you deserved it (9408)

On 09/20/2009 at 8:03am - work - by Lazy (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend meeting all of his friends for the first time. My boyfriend went into the kitchen to get me a drink, and after ten minutes I went looking for him. I discovered his friend holding two melons to his chest, mid explanation on how they look exactly like mine. FML

#5368590
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31496) - you deserved it (6009)

On 09/20/2009 at 8:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, it is my boyfriend's and my one year anniversary. I bought him a Playstation 2. As soon as I gave it to him, he went straight to set it up without giving me anything. I said "What about me?" He walked over to me, gave me a kiss and said "I love it when you buy me things for no reason." FML

#5337974
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46354) - you deserved it (6637)

On 09/18/2009 at 7:27pm - love - by luvizwar (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask a cute guy for his number. Once he had given me his, he asked for mine. My initial happiness was deflated when he said "Ok, now I can just block every message from you." And walked away from me. FML

#5328809
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42340) - you deserved it (3949)

On 09/18/2009 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got my period. 10 minutes into a 3 hour exam. Apparently they are serious when they say you may not leave the room under any circumstances. FML

#5310287
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52955) - you deserved it (3493)

On 09/17/2009 at 9:59am - health - by cramps (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

#5309221
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22391) - you deserved it (77983)

On 09/17/2009 at 6:57am - work - by auscop (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML

#5289656
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11465) - you deserved it (80308)

On 09/16/2009 at 9:24am - animals - by nipped (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my (now former) best friend kicked me out of the band I started because I wasn't 'dedicated enough' after a 3 day 'holiday' to visit my dying uncle. He also during this 3 day 'holiday' convinced my girl friend to leave me and date him. FML

#5287985
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53358) - you deserved it (2977)

On 09/16/2009 at 4:25am - misc - by dj163 (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was napping with my boyfriend and his dog. The dog was making odd coughing noises, but my boyfriend refused to kick him out of the bed. A few moments later, I rolled onto my stomach, into a pile of dog vomit. FML

#5283658
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33050) - you deserved it (3978)

On 09/15/2009 at 10:43pm - animals - by Brinty (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after thirteen years of engagement, my fiancé and I split. As is, with the day, we changed our facebook relationships to make it official. I logged back on tonight to find his mother, the woman I've spent the last year looking after and having a good time, 'liking' the break up. FML

#5269960
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36222) - you deserved it (6802)

On 09/15/2009 at 8:10am - love - by ohIlike (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I finally decided to sleep with my boyfriend. It was my first time and I was really nervous so when he was being all romantic with candles and wine I went a bit overboard and drank too much. I passed out. I woke up a few hours later, still a virgin and in a puddle of my own wee. FML

#5268497
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7733) - you deserved it (29045)

On 09/15/2009 at 4:13am - intimacy - by mybad7 (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to visit my parents. Dad went on a religious tirade, and Mum got sick of him and pelted a Brazil nut at his head. Dad then lost his shit, and told Mum to go to her room and pray. I now remember why I moved out of home in the first place. FML

#5225291
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32825) - you deserved it (3054)

On 09/13/2009 at 8:42am - misc - by Sigh (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



FML's blog

  • On FML, it's Halloween every day
  • As you know, we never pass up the chance to open up a light beer and plunge into the depths of the FML archive to come up with some sort of theme. Most holidays, national or otherwise, are pretty well represented.…

Friday 31 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: