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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

#20423470
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32909) - you deserved it (2857)

On 12/26/2012 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I received from my husband for Christmas the body lotion that only he uses. And nothing else. FML

#20422819
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21051) - you deserved it (1837)

On 12/26/2012 at 1:15am - misc - by marriedtoatool - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I walked in on my sister plucking her nipples. A shame I didn't get a big fuck-off bottle of brain bleach for Christmas. FML

#20422121
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19461) - you deserved it (5214)

On 12/25/2012 at 8:49pm - intimacy - by FuckMyEyes (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, whilst at my new step-dad's Christmas lunch, my mother spiked my drink so that I would look worse than her in front of her new mother-in-law. FML

#20418159
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24803) - you deserved it (1612)

On 12/24/2012 at 5:09am - misc - by heya - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML

#20416717
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29411) - you deserved it (4234)

On 12/23/2012 at 4:36pm - kids - by still had to pay (man) - Australia

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

#20415890
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12225) - you deserved it (32644)

On 12/23/2012 at 10:02am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She pretended not to hear me. FML

#20413271
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42718) - you deserved it (3319)

On 12/22/2012 at 7:50am - love - by anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had a look through my dad's girlfriend's phone she left on the table. Best part: I now know what I'm getting for christmas. Worst part: I now know my dads favourite position. FML

#20413212
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9272) - you deserved it (49635)

On 12/22/2012 at 6:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, it's my wedding anniversary; my husband forgot. My daughter gave me two beautiful long stem roses and said she would look after her sister while we went out to celebrate. My daughter is more romantic and thoughtful than my own husband. FML

#20410075
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30593) - you deserved it (3024)

On 12/20/2012 at 10:31pm - love - by igiveup (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my friend and I decided to go skinny-dipping in her pool just after we'd finished watching a scary movie. While we were in the pool, I heard something move in the bushes so I freaked out and ran onto the deck, slipping and falling flat on my back. Her dad saw the whole thing. FML

#20407433
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10922) - you deserved it (28932)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, the girl I dumped three years ago because she wouldn't take my band seriously is now a successful and rich environmental scientist. Meanwhile, I'm still unemployed, living with my parents, and can barely remember how to play a guitar. FML

#20407310
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8178) - you deserved it (54772)

On 12/19/2012 at 10:26am - love - by rightinthekarma (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, someone painted the "Dark Mark" on the side of my car. It won't come off and my kids refuse to get in because it means "a wizard died in there." FML

#20407286
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27589) - you deserved it (3157)

On 12/19/2012 at 9:59am - kids - by spellbound - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, while at the airport waiting for my flight, I sat down next to a mother and her son. As I pulled out a water bottle, she leaned over to her son and said, "Promise me you will never do what the man next to you just did." I have no idea what the hell I did wrong. FML



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