FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I learnt there's a woman who comes into my store only to hear my Barry White-like voice. My boss knows who it is, yet refuses to tell me because it's "hilarious." I'm now cautious of every customer. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2012 at 4:00am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I picked up my driver's licence and my keys off the floor at the same time, using only my toes. This was the highlight of my day. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2012 at 1:36am / Australia (Tasmania) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend was flying his toy helicopter at my head. It got stuck in my hair and I now have a bald patch. FML

by honey soy / 01/29/2012 at 1:31am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML

by The Towel Molester / 01/26/2012 at 9:49am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I found out that if a jock calls you a nerd in the street and you retaliate with a witty comeback, be prepared to run. Fast. FML

by JMcKay / 01/25/2012 at 10:36pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me he loves me. Instead of saying it back, I had a panic attack. FML

by Paicked / 01/25/2012 at 7:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I played Call Of Duty online against someone who turned out to be wanking. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2012 at 5:39am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I tried to take a piss in the woods, but ended up peeing all over my feet. I still had to hike another five hours in wet shoes. My boyfriend's only comment was, "At least you didn't wet your pants." FML

by Dani / 01/24/2012 at 12:23am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught myself thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight. During sex. FML

by Anonymous / 01/22/2012 at 6:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, a man crashed into my car. He then got out of his car, dug a toothbrush and toothpaste out of his bag, and tried to brush away the damage. FML

by toothpaste / 01/19/2012 at 7:17am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, I had to sit through 10 minutes of hearing a man on the tram tell his friend in explicit detail about all the filthy sex acts he'd like to do to me. His friend told him to take a photo to jack off to later. When I tried to tell the tram driver, he told me to "take it as a compliment." FML

by missprude666 / 01/19/2012 at 3:32am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, it was my first day being a full-time paramedic. I was shot in the arm. FML

by bad luck? / 01/19/2012 at 12:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I anxiously waited 8 hours for an important phone call. The phone rang while I was sitting on the toilet. FML

by iliterallypoopedmyself / 01/18/2012 at 8:54pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work