FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I started at my new waitressing job. Our uniforms have the name of the restaurant on the left chest pocket. My first customer asked me what the other boob was called. FML

Today, I was terribly nervous for my patient interview exam as a 4th year medical student. In my nervousness I learned that just because a patient is wearing a T-shirt and shorts, has a short hair cut and a moustache and is named 'Chris', it is not safe to assume that they are male. FML

by Monday / 12/02/2011 at 9:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, the recycling bin caught fire. My little brother was "experimenting" with his magnifying glass, set an egg carton on fire and didn't realise you had to put it out before throwing it in the bin. FML

by Annon / 11/26/2011 at 6:38am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML

by Jane / 11/24/2011 at 8:57am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML

by OCDrunk / 11/23/2011 at 1:40am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, I went to my doctor. I casually asked him why I keep getting headaches after I masturbate. He said it probably was a sign from God. FML

by toomuch / 11/22/2011 at 4:36am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that what I thought could be a life-threatening issue causing me chest pains was only because I over-obsessed about it. Now not only do I have social anxiety, but I get so anxious I can create fake illnesses. FML

by daybyday / 11/22/2011 at 3:08am / Australia / Health

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'cutie' or 'beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

by BadFather / 11/21/2011 at 1:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML

by weswithaute / 11/13/2011 at 1:53am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, at work, I got chilli powder in my eye. Now not only do I have a swollen, blistered eye, but I am covered in milk as my boss assured me that would help. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2011 at 4:27am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my neighbours watched and laughed as I chased my dog around the lawn, trying to rescue the only clean pair of underwear I had in my house. FML

by Doggy... / 11/10/2011 at 12:56am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 7:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML

by dre_bro11 / 11/06/2011 at 7:17am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals