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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML

#17448380
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28561) - you deserved it (2767)

On 08/12/2011 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full time job at one work place would be too 'depressing'. I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML

#17416952
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45058) - you deserved it (8173)

On 08/09/2011 at 9:48am - work - by Lauren - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I found out that my son had sold his house key to one of his friends for half a packet of gum. Now there is someone out there who I have never met with full access to my house. My son is 16. FML

#17404140
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33666) - you deserved it (4877)

On 08/08/2011 at 2:45am - kids - by Jilly (woman) - Australia

Today, my niece told me to go and find my own friends. She's 2, and I'm 18. FML

#17395246
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29092) - you deserved it (5580)

On 08/07/2011 at 5:52am - kids - by myheart75 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was going to kiss my girlfriend for the first time. As I leaned in, closed my eyes, and was about to kiss her, she pushed me away and said, "Not with that pimple on your chin." FML

Today, I was in a cinema watching a movie to review in the local paper. Suddenly, the guy behind me leans in and starts whispering and hissing "Do it... Do... It. DO IT" for the rest of the movie. I'm still not sure what he wanted me to do, but he did smell of vomit and had a tea-cosy on his head. FML

#17338822
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24625) - you deserved it (2526)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:43am - work - by Username - Australia

Today, I found out why my cups of tea have been tasting a bit funny. It turns out my kettle is full of ants, so every time I boil water to make tea, the ants get re-boiled along with it. FML

#17329330
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33094) - you deserved it (16615)

On 08/01/2011 at 4:32am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my husband threw out all of the spices in the cupboard. When I asked him why he said, "Our cat was named Spicy and I can't stand to look at them." Our recently deceased cat's name was Dicey. FML

#17283376
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31953) - you deserved it (3112)

On 07/28/2011 at 2:18am - animals - by Tali (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML

#17279382
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28953) - you deserved it (4445)

On 07/27/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, someone came over and told my mother, "I'm your son's friend Morris, I need to get something out of his car", so she gave him the keys. I have no friend called Morris, and now I don't have a sound system either. FML

#17266001
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39396) - you deserved it (3191)

On 07/26/2011 at 9:35am - misc - by ceetee - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML

#17252613
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34535) - you deserved it (3381)

On 07/25/2011 at 10:10am - misc - by Bec (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my new mailbox key finally arrived. Not at the front door as I requested, but in the mailbox. FML

#17211287
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36624) - you deserved it (2688)

On 07/22/2011 at 12:20am - misc - by MailMaster (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML

#17207646
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30413) - you deserved it (15054)

On 07/21/2011 at 7:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (South Australia)



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