Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend about how a few years ago I had cancer, and how I underwent radiation therapy. His response? "Did you glow in the dark?" FML

#18466406
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32901) - you deserved it (3756)

On 12/09/2011 at 2:41am - health - by GlowInTheDark (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, working at a daycare centre, when packing up the kids' beds after sleep time, I slipped and landed in a puddle. Of urine. I had no spare pants. I had to wear them for the rest of my shift. FML

#18459141
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25445) - you deserved it (3107)

On 12/08/2011 at 7:40am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I started at my new waitressing job. Our uniforms have the name of the restaurant on the left chest pocket. My first customer asked me what the other boob was called. FML

#18443540
101 comments

Today, I was terribly nervous for my patient interview exam as a 4th year medical student. In my nervousness I learned that just because a patient is wearing a T-shirt and shorts, has a short hair cut and a moustache and is named 'Chris', it is not safe to assume that they are male. FML

#18410783
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34013) - you deserved it (4236)

On 12/02/2011 at 9:40am - work - by Monday (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, the recycling bin caught fire. My little brother was "experimenting" with his magnifying glass, set an egg carton on fire and didn't realise you had to put it out before throwing it in the bin. FML

#18354691
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24081) - you deserved it (2345)

On 11/26/2011 at 6:38am - kids - by Annon - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over and stared blankly at the ceiling without speaking for ages. This happens a lot. FML

#18335372
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38923) - you deserved it (5957)

On 11/24/2011 at 8:57am - intimacy - by Jane (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML

#18323585
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26306) - you deserved it (9591)

On 11/23/2011 at 1:40am - health - by OCDrunk (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to my doctor. I casually asked him why I keep getting headaches after I masturbate. He said it probably was a sign from God. FML

#18314611
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38372) - you deserved it (12509)

On 11/22/2011 at 4:36am - intimacy - by toomuch (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that what I thought could be a life-threatening issue causing me chest pains was only because I over-obsessed about it. Now not only do I have social anxiety, but I get so anxious I can create fake illnesses. FML

#18314342
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23089) - you deserved it (6130)

On 11/22/2011 at 3:08am - health - by daybyday - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'cutie' or 'beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

#18304597
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13855) - you deserved it (41213)

On 11/21/2011 at 1:23am - kids - by BadFather (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML

#18234448
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44881) - you deserved it (7570)

On 11/13/2011 at 1:53am - kids - by weswithaute - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, at work, I got chilli powder in my eye. Now not only do I have a swollen, blistered eye, but I am covered in milk as my boss assured me that would help. FML

#18225907
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25371) - you deserved it (2672)

On 11/12/2011 at 4:27am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my neighbours watched and laughed as I chased my dog around the lawn, trying to rescue the only clean pair of underwear I had in my house. FML

#18207417
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24231) - you deserved it (9570)

On 11/10/2011 at 12:56am - animals - by Doggy... (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: