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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, while having sex on the couch with my single neighbour, a beam in the couch broke. Not even slightly fazed, she said, "It's okay, my husband can fix it." Husband? FML

#14059458
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32671) - you deserved it (7879)

On 12/02/2010 at 12:02pm - intimacy - by nickyboy (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was lying in bed listening to my neighbors have loud, and what sounded like, enjoyable sex. My boyfriend rolled over and said, "she sounds like fun" before rolling back over and going to sleep. It's been four months. FML

#14021574
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26881) - you deserved it (5809)

On 11/29/2010 at 7:13am - intimacy - by unsatisfied - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend confessed that he felt so insecure he submerged my $80 vibrator in water to eliminate the competition. FML

#13994749
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29349) - you deserved it (14120)

On 11/27/2010 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while babysitting, I brought over some colouring-in sheets as an activity. I said that I should bring some Christmas-themed ones for next time. The little girl then turned to me and said "If there is a next time." I've been put on probation by an 8-year-old. FML

#13936248
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21397) - you deserved it (3600)

On 11/22/2010 at 11:33am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was feeling nauseous and my cat was comforting me. I breathed in through my nose, and my cat's fur caused me to sneeze. I sneezed so hard, I threw up out my nose. Nothing will get rid of the smell from within my nasal cavity. FML

#13934575
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28026) - you deserved it (3434)

On 11/22/2010 at 6:33am - health - by can't breathe - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a middle-aged woman came into the shoe shop where I work, and asked me to help her put on a pair of boots that were obviously too small. Simultaneously as I knelt down by her feet, she booted me in the face while we tried to get them on. FML

#13933361
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21228) - you deserved it (2953)

On 11/22/2010 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my brand new iPhone 4 was stolen from my bag. I asked the bartender if anyone had handed it in. I soon found out that while I was talking to her, someone swiped my wallet from the bag too. FML

#13908824
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24494) - you deserved it (7445)

On 11/20/2010 at 5:40am - misc - by misc (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I finally made out with my boyfriend. Let's just say his idea of making out is moving his tongue like a lizard. FML

#13907049
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29401) - you deserved it (4629)

On 11/20/2010 at 1:20am - love - by lorrilanee (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was in a meeting and someone behind me sneezed really loudly. As they were doing so, I felt something cold land on my neck. FML

#13884860
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28308) - you deserved it (2295)

On 11/18/2010 at 3:37am - misc - by race (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was doing photography, and decided to climb onto the roof of a building to photograph the city. I dropped a square of chocolate over the edge just to appreciate the height. Apparently somebody saw me, I was arrested and am now being charged for trespassing and firing missiles. FML

#13883371
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15332) - you deserved it (23891)

On 11/17/2010 at 11:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Tasmania)

Today, I was pulled over by the cops for a random breathalyzer test. They asked to see my license. I always keep my wallet in my car for situations like this. I received a $100 ticket because my mum apparently didn’t think it was a good idea to keep my wallet in the car. FML

#13862982
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23715) - you deserved it (6284)

On 11/16/2010 at 7:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, was my girlfriend's birthday. I planned it to perfection: we went shopping, bowling, had lunch in a nice Italian restaurant, watched a French comedy, walked by the river. She also got many presents. Tonight, I was exhausted but happy for her... until she told me her birthday is tomorrow. FML

#13830674
134 comments

Today, I realised I haven't had a date in so long that I actually seriously considered meeting someone from online, purely based on the fact he could spell properly. FML

#13822904
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20741) - you deserved it (3661)

On 11/13/2010 at 1:09am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)



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