FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML

by argh / 03/02/2012 at 7:14pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I installed an alarm app on my phone. Turns out, to unlock the phone and get the ringing to stop, I have to answer a maths question. It took me ten minutes to get it right. FML

by Ashleigh / 03/02/2012 at 5:53pm / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I vacuumed my car as I'm trying to sell it. After the interior was clean, I sprayed some air freshener. The chosen smell was "new car". I think they mislabeled it, as my car now smells like urinal cakes. I have two potential buyers coming tomorrow. FML

by Urinal Fresh / 03/02/2012 at 5:19am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, I was eating a meatball sub when a meatball fell out and rolled into my hair and all down my shirt. I couldn't find the missing meatball anywhere. I found it later, in my handbag. FML

by malloreigh / 02/28/2012 at 12:19am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I was very cold and tired, so I took a shower to warm up and went to bed. The minute I hopped into bed, it collapsed and broke. I have spent half-an-hour rearranging furniture to get the mattress on to the floor. Now I'm cold again. FML

by Anonymous / 02/27/2012 at 7:36am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother-in-law thought it would be appropriate to give my five-year-old daughter some bedclothes with the Playboy logo all over them. FML

by Joanne / 02/24/2012 at 8:26am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

Today, I came back from a holiday and the friend who'd been looking after my cats returned my spare key. When I wanted to put some relaxing music on, I noticed that he'd switched most of my CDs around in their cases. I have over a thousand of them. Very funny, thanks. FML

by Veryfunny / 02/23/2012 at 6:52pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got scared by my own leg fat. FML

by wobble... / 02/23/2012 at 6:29am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

by mary / 02/21/2012 at 10:33am / Australia / Health

Today, someone actually thought it was appropriate to compare my mother's death to the death of their cat. FML

Today, I was speaking to an old friend and I asked her how her mother was. She replied, "She passed away, you came to her funeral last month." FML

by elizabethyeo / 02/20/2012 at 5:01am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend sang "happy birthday" to my vagina. It was my birthday last month and he forgot, but he remembered the date of the first time he went down on me. FML

by me / 02/19/2012 at 6:37am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I felt sorry for the weird chick at work that everybody avoids and decided to initiate a conversation with her. She interrupted me mid-sentence to tell me about her vaginal odor problems, before shoving her hand into my chip packet and inviting herself to dinner at my house. FML

by meet Chloe / 02/19/2012 at 4:15am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy