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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I got a text message from a number I don't know saying "I'm sorry, but I'm cheating on you, I couldn't do this in person because you're ugly when you cry." I haven't had a relationship in 6 years and I still manage to get dumped. FML

#17584361
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38048) - you deserved it (2863)

On 08/26/2011 at 7:09am - love - by j_babydoll6520 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my doctor asked for a urine sample. It's the first time I've tried to cup my own pee. Despite the fact that I'm a woman, I managed to aim wrong, and sprayed the floor, hit the door and my handbag with my own pee. FML

#17584076
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19719) - you deserved it (14658)

On 08/26/2011 at 5:09am - health - by goldengirl - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after waiting 3 months, I finally got my wedding dress back from the dry-cleaners. The dry cleaning lasted longer than the marriage. FML

#17583056
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33949) - you deserved it (8940)

On 08/26/2011 at 1:28am - love - by justmyluck - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML

#17575324
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28250) - you deserved it (4175)

On 08/25/2011 at 3:12am - intimacy - by Puppy Loverr - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was stuck in a room with a man who was catching flies. That I could cope with, until he insisted on turning the lights out because it was 'stressing out' his flies. FML

#17546019
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22416) - you deserved it (2150)

On 08/22/2011 at 7:04am - work - by anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I noticed that a picture of me on my Mum and Dad's wall looked different. On closer inspection, I realised they'd recently painted over my teeth with white paint. I asked them why, and they said they looked 'discoloured'. It's my wedding photo. FML

#17508765
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26036) - you deserved it (3300)

On 08/18/2011 at 10:11am - misc - by JLO (man) - Australia

Today, I was dancing with the 4 hottest girls I've ever seen at a club, and I fainted. FML

#17506139
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31797) - you deserved it (8230)

On 08/18/2011 at 1:18am - health - by gb - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my husband wrote all these wonderful romantic messages to me via Facebook, proclaiming his love to me in front of all my friends and family. Too bad he hasn't spoken to me in "real life" for almost 3 weeks. FML

#17498431
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29087) - you deserved it (3268)

On 08/17/2011 at 8:13am - misc - by howtragic - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

#17488478
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7732) - you deserved it (68212)

On 08/16/2011 at 6:17am - animals - by NaniNarcotic - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was caught and fined for picking a lock. I have OCD. I was picking the padlock on a toilet paper holder in a public toilet because the roll was the wrong way round. FML

#17487298
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31036) - you deserved it (12607)

On 08/16/2011 at 2:27am - misc - by Anon - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML

#17477307
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28152) - you deserved it (5500)

On 08/15/2011 at 2:23am - animals - by Mumbling Mutt101 (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML

#17448380
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27010) - you deserved it (2649)

On 08/12/2011 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full time job at one work place would be too 'depressing'. I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML

#17416952
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44980) - you deserved it (8166)

On 08/09/2011 at 9:48am - work - by Lauren - Australia (South Australia)



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