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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I noticed that a picture of me on my Mum and Dad's wall looked different. On closer inspection, I realised they'd recently painted over my teeth with white paint. I asked them why, and they said they looked 'discoloured'. It's my wedding photo. FML

#17508765
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26006) - you deserved it (3297)

On 08/18/2011 at 10:11am - misc - by JLO (man) - Australia

Today, I was dancing with the 4 hottest girls I've ever seen at a club, and I fainted. FML

#17506139
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31764) - you deserved it (8230)

On 08/18/2011 at 1:18am - health - by gb - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my husband wrote all these wonderful romantic messages to me via Facebook, proclaiming his love to me in front of all my friends and family. Too bad he hasn't spoken to me in "real life" for almost 3 weeks. FML

#17498431
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29048) - you deserved it (3268)

On 08/17/2011 at 8:13am - misc - by howtragic - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

#17488478
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7725) - you deserved it (68159)

On 08/16/2011 at 6:17am - animals - by NaniNarcotic - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was caught and fined for picking a lock. I have OCD. I was picking the padlock on a toilet paper holder in a public toilet because the roll was the wrong way round. FML

#17487298
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30995) - you deserved it (12594)

On 08/16/2011 at 2:27am - misc - by Anon - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML

#17477307
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26818) - you deserved it (5345)

On 08/15/2011 at 2:23am - animals - by Mumbling Mutt101 (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was using a public urinal when a man came up to use the one next to me. As he approached, he said, "Friendly spy plane inbound" and pretended to look at my knob. FML

#17448380
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26983) - you deserved it (2643)

On 08/12/2011 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full time job at one work place would be too 'depressing'. I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML

#17416952
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44937) - you deserved it (8162)

On 08/09/2011 at 9:48am - work - by Lauren - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I found out that my son had sold his house key to one of his friends for half a packet of gum. Now there is someone out there who I have never met with full access to my house. My son is 16. FML

#17404140
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33520) - you deserved it (4869)

On 08/08/2011 at 2:45am - kids - by Jilly (woman) - Australia

Today, my niece told me to go and find my own friends. She's 2, and I'm 18. FML

#17395246
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26949) - you deserved it (5370)

On 08/07/2011 at 5:52am - kids - by myheart75 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was going to kiss my girlfriend for the first time. As I leaned in, closed my eyes, and was about to kiss her, she pushed me away and said, "Not with that pimple on your chin." FML

Today, I was in a cinema watching a movie to review in the local paper. Suddenly, the guy behind me leans in and starts whispering and hissing "Do it... Do... It. DO IT" for the rest of the movie. I'm still not sure what he wanted me to do, but he did smell of vomit and had a tea-cosy on his head. FML

#17338822
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23408) - you deserved it (2431)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:43am - work - by Username - Australia

Today, I found out why my cups of tea have been tasting a bit funny. It turns out my kettle is full of ants, so every time I boil water to make tea, the ants get re-boiled along with it. FML

#17329330
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31961) - you deserved it (16191)

On 08/01/2011 at 4:32am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)



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