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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML

#17207646
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28903) - you deserved it (14641)

On 07/21/2011 at 7:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was sitting waiting for my train for a long while. When it finally came, I had pins and needles in my foot. When I got up, I fell and unsuccessfully stumbled towards the train. The doors closed and it left without me. FML

#17201345
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27808) - you deserved it (4143)

On 07/21/2011 at 6:43am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina looks like an old man in a hat. It's OK though, he said it was a nice hat. FML

#17187875
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39223) - you deserved it (5371)

On 07/20/2011 at 5:17am - intimacy - by growlr - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after being in love with one of my best friends for ages, he took me on a date. We then went back to his place and we made love. Afterwards, he told me he wanted to show me something and led me outside. He ran back in and locked the door. It's a two hour walk home. FML

#17174791
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52605) - you deserved it (6714)

On 07/19/2011 at 7:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML

#17134448
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39512) - you deserved it (4257)

On 07/16/2011 at 9:28am - kids - by Rejected (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML

#17063705
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30210) - you deserved it (11437)

On 07/11/2011 at 5:25am - kids - by Mothering (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML

#17063070
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58090) - you deserved it (2947)

On 07/11/2011 at 3:42am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my daughter announced on Facebook that she is directly descended from extra-terrestrials. That would be okay - except she's 25 and believes it's true. FML

#17060608
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27183) - you deserved it (4108)

On 07/11/2011 at 12:23am - kids - by MotherofET (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my daughter asked why there was an X marked on a telephone pole. I told her they were going to remove it. She started crying and saying, "They can't kill the tree!" She is 16. FML

#17036042
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30833) - you deserved it (6917)

On 07/09/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by anon - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML

#17019380
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35445) - you deserved it (2816)

On 07/07/2011 at 8:58pm - love - by Jessica - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me because he wanted some independence. He moved back into his parents house. FML

#17008164
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32926) - you deserved it (3315)

On 07/07/2011 at 12:04am - love - by independence (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my dad came home from work complaining about all the people he'd seen. He said he doesn't understand why so many people with problems have to confide in him. He's a psychologist. FML

#16999068
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30017) - you deserved it (2825)

On 07/06/2011 at 10:52am - misc - by siighh - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML

#16998038
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53546) - you deserved it (16767)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:26am - intimacy - by devilboy - Australia (New South Wales)



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