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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML

#18733573
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21603) - you deserved it (41475)

On 01/07/2012 at 5:27am - intimacy - by Danny - Australia

Today, I had shelves installed using a builder who came highly recommended by my co-worker. Turns out the builder is her friend, who has no actual qualifications or experience as a builder, but 'it's his dream'. I now have a gaping hole in my kitchen where the shelves should be. FML

#18719100
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23463) - you deserved it (4942)

On 01/05/2012 at 7:37pm - misc - by neveragain89 (woman) - Australia

Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was the police station informing me that my elderly grandmother has been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

#18673458
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32321) - you deserved it (2358)

On 01/01/2012 at 8:51am - misc - by Grandson (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend did the washing as an attempt to help me. Not only are all my clothes now pink, he refuses to do the dishes, vacuuming, bathroom, ironing etc., as he has done "plenty." FML

#18615035
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24492) - you deserved it (4117)

On 12/26/2011 at 10:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my friend told me how depressing it is that she hasn't had sex in two weeks. I haven't had sex in 3 years. FML

#18614402
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34166) - you deserved it (5268)

On 12/26/2011 at 6:48am - intimacy - by Sally - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I just finished nearly a year of muscle-building in order to impress my crush. Turns out she doesn't date fit guys, because "they're all jerks". FML

#18601417
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25378) - you deserved it (16075)

On 12/24/2011 at 8:15pm - love - by Nowajerk (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mother was watching me play Pokémon. She walked over to the TV and pulled the plug before ranting about how shameful it is that her 17 year old daughter plays Pokémon. She then sat down at the computer and started playing Farmville. FML

#18594471
278 comments

Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML

#18593025
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14892) - you deserved it (37479)

On 12/23/2011 at 9:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, my separation anxiety got so intense, I found myself smelling my boyfriend's pillow. FML

#18566755
149 comments

Today, I'm on a medication that really dehydrates my skin. I thought split lips were the worst side effects. Other split orifices make a trip to the toilet a literal pain in the arse. No sign of stopping in the near future. FML

#18560228
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22796) - you deserved it (2029)

On 12/20/2011 at 7:46am - health - by ouch (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

#18554140
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12262) - you deserved it (30298)

On 12/19/2011 at 3:57pm - work - by Bob smith (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my brother and I proposed to our girlfriends at the same time. We had perfect synchronization after practicing for days. My brother's girlfriend said yes, mine said no. FML

#18552373
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51482) - you deserved it (5004)

On 12/19/2011 at 10:40am - love - by emmmbo - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been using my moisturiser as lube when he wanks. It's $90 per bottle. FML

#18542625
338 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34845) - you deserved it (16441)

On 12/18/2011 at 5:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia



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