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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, after over a year of lifestyle changes and a ritualistic exercise regime, I finally reached my goal weight. I excitedly told my boyfriend, and he responded, "Yeah, that's nice, but now your tits are tiny". FML

#18822842
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33872) - you deserved it (6985)

On 01/16/2012 at 8:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my front house window was smashed. A note was left, saying 'I want my cat back'. I have no idea what they are talking about. FML

#18819686
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28451) - you deserved it (2080)

On 01/15/2012 at 11:17pm - misc - by James - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was walking to the bus stop when someone slapped an innocent person in the face with a fish. I was that innocent person. FML

#18812835
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33380) - you deserved it (3503)

On 01/15/2012 at 5:24am - misc - by lolwtfbbq444 - Australia

Today, I came home to my fiancé and his mates playing Monopoly naked in our backyard. FML

#18803544
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24476) - you deserved it (3173)

On 01/14/2012 at 6:42am - misc - by anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I actually took pleasure in sniffing my armpits after 2 days of not showering. FML

#18783531
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7892) - you deserved it (37554)

On 01/12/2012 at 8:34am - health - by Anon (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I happened to make eye contact with a stranger standing on a balcony of the apartment building across the train tracks from mine. He ran his finger across his neck like a knife and winked at me. I'm afraid to go out again. FML

#18782915
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28844) - you deserved it (2246)

On 01/12/2012 at 5:35am - misc - by Dani - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards, he said he was in love with me and that he wants to be with me forever. It was also at this time I realised that I can't stand him. FML

#18761652
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14280) - you deserved it (33988)

On 01/09/2012 at 10:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML

#18733573
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21593) - you deserved it (41452)

On 01/07/2012 at 5:27am - intimacy - by Danny - Australia

Today, I had shelves installed using a builder who came highly recommended by my co-worker. Turns out the builder is her friend, who has no actual qualifications or experience as a builder, but 'it's his dream'. I now have a gaping hole in my kitchen where the shelves should be. FML

#18719100
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23450) - you deserved it (4941)

On 01/05/2012 at 7:37pm - misc - by neveragain89 (woman) - Australia

Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was the police station informing me that my elderly grandmother has been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

#18673458
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32305) - you deserved it (2357)

On 01/01/2012 at 8:51am - misc - by Grandson (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend did the washing as an attempt to help me. Not only are all my clothes now pink, he refuses to do the dishes, vacuuming, bathroom, ironing etc., as he has done "plenty." FML

#18615035
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24474) - you deserved it (4117)

On 12/26/2011 at 10:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my friend told me how depressing it is that she hasn't had sex in two weeks. I haven't had sex in 3 years. FML

#18614402
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34145) - you deserved it (5266)

On 12/26/2011 at 6:48am - intimacy - by Sally - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I just finished nearly a year of muscle-building in order to impress my crush. Turns out she doesn't date fit guys, because "they're all jerks". FML

#18601417
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25366) - you deserved it (16066)

On 12/24/2011 at 8:15pm - love - by Nowajerk (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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