FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, my boyfriend had a tantrum because I didn't like Black Sabbath as much as him. Apparently our entire relationship was based on him thinking I did. I've now been labeled "The Queen of Lies." FML

by Anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 1:39am / Australia (Tasmania) / Love

Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML

by embarrassed / 10/08/2012 at 5:12am / Australia (South Australia) / Love

Today, I was sitting on a rather small, uncomfortable bean bag while my friend was sitting on a nice chair. She asked if I wanted to switch seats, not so I could be more comfortable, but because she thought I was too fat and that I would burst the bean bag. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2012 at 1:03am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, two days after leaving hospital with a broken left leg, I tripped and fell heavily on the floor. My dad quickly asked if I'd broken my other leg. When I reassured him that I hadn't, he disappointedly muttered that it would've been a hilarious story to tell his friends at work. FML

by fucking har har, dad / 10/05/2012 at 7:38pm / Australia / Health

Today, a man with a clipboard came up to me in the street to ask me if I was happy with my life insurance. I couldn't bring myself to admit to him that I'm so clueless about my own life that I wasn't sure I was even happy with the Twix I was eating at the time. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2012 at 8:49pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started working my crappy, minimum-wage retail job at a local electronics store. An hour into my shift, my boss sent me to scrub out a discount bin, after some drunk cunt in his teens staggered into the place yelling, and puked his guts into it. What a life. FML

by what the fuck, mate / 09/30/2012 at 3:00pm / Australia / Work

Today, some kid decided to pee in the kids' play area at work. Because I was the shortest employee working at the time, I got to climb through the area to mop it up, while all the kids pointed and laughed at me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2012 at 1:37pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML

by Popscene / 09/26/2012 at 5:06am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, my roommate decided to turn off all appliances in the house to "save" electricity. This included the refrigerator. FML

by Jograd / 09/25/2012 at 1:13pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/23/2012 at 7:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, my roommate came out of the bathroom, and asked me how the scales knew her weight in both pounds and kilos, even though "the exchange rate is always changing." I actually live with this idiot. FML

by ak_6694 / 09/22/2012 at 3:29am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying on one of my little black dresses and heels. He wanted to "see what the fuss was about." I would have been angry if the sight of him dressed like this hadn't turned me on more than he ever has in the 3 years we've been dating. FML

by ClaireBear150 / 09/19/2012 at 11:09pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML

by Burntintomyretinas / 09/19/2012 at 12:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous