FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I went on a second date with a guy who seemed perfect in every way possible. That is until he started mentioned how children are a deal-breaker for him. I had to break it to him that I have a 14 month old daughter. He actually had the balls to ask if I'd ever consider foster care. Seriously, dude? FML

by Anonymous / 05/07/2016 at 1:49am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, I took my neighbor, who lives alone, to the hospital as she was complaining of stomach pains. Being a healthcare professional, all signs pointed to appendicitis. We waited for 6 hours to be told she needed to poo. FML

by chocolateteacup / 05/06/2016 at 5:30am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after having a second interview with a club I want to work for, the interviewer ignored my work references. Instead, he told me he was going to call the only manager I never got along with, for reference in a job I left 5 years ago, because he knows her personally. FML

by prince232 / 05/04/2016 at 12:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my brother dyed my white work shirt bright green because I beat him to the shower this morning. As it's my only shirt, I had to wear it to work, where there was a surprise audit and I was fired for incorrect uniform. FML

by shrek / 05/02/2016 at 6:25am / Australia / Work

Today, I briefly had the coolest boss in the world. He stormed over to a nasty customer who was giving me hell, and he absolutely laid into her. It lasted about 10 seconds before he collapsed from a major heart attack. A coworker's already blamed me for not pacifying the customer in the first place and causing all this to happen. FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2016 at 2:20am / Australia / Work

Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the amount I used was about 100 times more than you're supposed to use. It took an hour of burning agony to find out the only way to get even a hint of relief was to cover my nuts in yoghurt. FML

by tingleballs / 04/28/2016 at 10:57am / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, my ex-best friend, who I haven't spoken to in a year because of how obsessive she got, posted a picture of herself with dyed brown hair and glasses. We look like twins. Even I thought it was me. Some people are commenting that I look beautiful. School starts tomorrow. FML

by exiebestie / 04/25/2016 at 9:30pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to tell the third guy that my mother set me up with that it wasn't him, it's me. Apparently my mother thinks if she sets me up with enough guys, I will "date the gay out". FML

by out of the closet / 04/25/2016 at 8:22pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I had a date with an amazing girl so in the shower I wanted to make sure I was extra clean. With the soaped up shower puff in hand I tried to get as much of my back as I could which led to me pushing too far and dislocating my shoulder. FML

by too eager / 04/25/2016 at 11:21am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I ran into a new guy at work who told me the regional manager was visiting today to evaluate the staff. I scoffed and said that everything I'd heard about the manager made him seem like a total prick. His reply? "Maybe, but I'm a prick who can FIRE people." FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2016 at 6:04am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, like many other days, I drove 15 minutes away from my girlfriend's house to poop at the local McDonald's, because I'm too scared of her roommates hearing my extreme noise terror. FML

by scared2poop / 04/11/2016 at 10:30pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family is flying to Hawaii for a longed-for holiday. Well, my husband and children are; I'm in a hospital bed awaiting surgery on kidney stones that I never knew I had. Hopefully they'll send me a postcard. FML

by Drover7 / 04/07/2016 at 7:26pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Holidays

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my old boss stiffed me on a large sum of money he owes me. I tried to contact him and point out that he legally owes me the money, but he won't answer his texts or his phone, and the managers say he changes the subject whenever they bring it up. FML

by Stiffed / 04/07/2016 at 5:19am / Australia (Victoria) / Work