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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I was having lunch with my fiancé's family. After he excused himself to use the bathroom, his grandmother glared at me, sneered, "I never liked you" and kept eating while the others smirked. When my fiancé returned, everyone pretended nothing had happened. FML

#21164912
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53656) - you deserved it (7864)

On 06/06/2014 at 11:45am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, an older gentleman came into my work for underwear. I helped him find his size, pulled out a pair of navy ones and he then turned to me and said, "I don't want dark colours because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continued looking for all the white pairs. FML

#21163612
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41217) - you deserved it (4320)

On 06/05/2014 at 4:11am - work - by unashamed - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I searched up ways to fix my eyebrows since they were so bushy and thick. I took my tweezers and set to work. It went to shit. So now, I have one completely straight eyebrow that makes me look like Bert from Sesame Street and another that's arched like Nina Dobrev's. FML

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

#21157398
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60633) - you deserved it (6693)

On 05/30/2014 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by lahiros (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out our newborn snores worse than his father. FML

#21155774
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44934) - you deserved it (5542)

On 05/29/2014 at 11:18am - kids - by bananna - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML

#21153496
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47896) - you deserved it (5029)

On 05/27/2014 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

#21142112
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45720) - you deserved it (12825)

On 05/16/2014 at 6:25pm - intimacy - by wtf (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, one of my year 9 students finished the test an hour early. He decided to spend the time by "stealthily" whacking off. His entire desk was shaking in a silent room. FML

Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML

#21133982
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63707) - you deserved it (8101)

On 05/08/2014 at 9:55am - love - by STOP (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML

#21127873
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48615) - you deserved it (4421)

On 05/01/2014 at 10:17am - animals - by Felicityfrank (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

#21124489
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36578) - you deserved it (4574)

On 04/27/2014 at 4:51pm - misc - by joe rogan fucking sucks, dude (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my long-distance boyfriend got extremely drunk and insisted that we ran the Skype call all night so it was like I was there with him. I woke up to the sound of him vomiting loudly at 3am. FML

#21124188
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38421) - you deserved it (5493)

On 04/27/2014 at 9:43am - love - by Amy (grossed out) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, when I went to the shopping centre, the automatic door wouldn't open for me. I had to stand there and wait until someone else walked by to open it for me. I suffer from dwarfism and this is a daily occurrence. FML

#21118654
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52413) - you deserved it (4000)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:11am - misc - by shorty (man) - Australia (Queensland)



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