FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I missed out on my first cooking lesson because I was an hour late. I cannot go to the rest of them because if you don't attend the first class then you are not allowed to attend the rest. I just spent $70 on a cooking course that I won't be able to attend. FML

by That Person / 09/13/2016 at 8:11pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a new phone. It's shock proof, water proof, you name it. Just not kitten proof, it seems. That's $400 down the drain. FML

by jshum / 09/13/2016 at 11:02am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals

Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML

by BadKitty / 09/11/2016 at 9:37am / Australia (Tasmania) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend stood me up. At dinner with his parents. FML

by notmyfam / 09/09/2016 at 3:47am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML

by Loud / 09/08/2016 at 2:07am / Australia / Work

Today, I was babysitting my 6-year-old brother and was playing Mario. When I won, he called me a cunt. I was in shock and asked him where he learnt the word. He said from me when I was driving. He then told my mum that I taught him a new word. Easy to say, I'm in big trouble. FML

by bigbro / 09/06/2016 at 4:05am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

Today, my teacher called a friend and me out of class and told us we had been reported for plagiarism because our answers to a problem were nearly identical, and he said that I shouldn't have shared my work. This for an assignment where significant marks were awarded for collaborating with peers. FML

by R / 09/05/2016 at 6:27am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my supervisor, who I thought liked me, actually thinks I am incompetent and lack emotional intelligence. I'm a student nurse and I've just listed her as my reference for our single, statewide job application. There's no way to change it. FML

by Unemployed / 08/28/2016 at 1:16pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I was taking a shower in a hostel when the girl in the cubicle next to mine decided to blow her nose onto the shower floor. The water from her cubicle was flowing into mine and I ended up standing in a puddle of fresh watery snot. FML

by LennyLemon / 08/25/2016 at 9:00am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that one of my colleagues believes that aliens built the pyramids. No amount of logical reasoning or evidence has had any effect on his argument of, "but you can't prove they didn't." FML

by Anonymous / 08/22/2016 at 7:49am / Australia / Work

Today, it was another stressful day of watching servicemen at my job trying to figure out what broke an extremely expensive and essential machine. I'm just waiting for the day they finally discover the earring I dropped into it about a week ago FML

by Girl w/ the Pearl Earring / 08/22/2016 at 7:46am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, my brother showed my wife a Craigslist ad by someone seeking casual sex. It had very specific details that made it seem like I wrote it. My brother later admitted in private that he made the post as revenge for me not loaning him $500 last month. Meanwhile, my wife still thinks I'm unfaithful. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2016 at 11:18am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my birthday and I celebrated with friends. I now have 34 individual copies of the first Twilight movie. FML

by Raptorcake / 08/15/2016 at 8:50am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Holidays