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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, my roommate, who happens to be a writer, got so pissed off at his editor that he got drunk, wrapped his arms around my waist, and only stopped when I agreed to spoon him. This is not the first time this has happened either. FML

#20989886
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37914) - you deserved it (5220)

On 12/12/2013 at 3:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a customer threatened to come back later and shoot the whole place up. Why? I didn't give him a discount on his beer. My boss's reaction when I called the police: "Why didn't you give him the discount?!" Last week he bitched me out for letting a girl off for being a few cents short on hers. FML

#20983086
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41513) - you deserved it (2973)

On 12/06/2013 at 6:37pm - work - by eat my fucking ass, boss (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, upon hearing of the death of Nelson Mandela, I posted a link on Facebook to the South African children's hospital in his name and donated. I was completely ignored whilst my newsfeed became clogged by my middle-class friends with "RIP Nelson Mandela" and photos of Morgan Freeman. FML

Today, I got paper thrown at me because I didn't agree with my classmate's conspiracy theory that Brian Griffin's death was planned by the illuminati. FML

#20981275
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37533) - you deserved it (4738)

On 12/05/2013 at 12:25am - misc - by Amy - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

#20981063
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45242) - you deserved it (5602)

On 12/04/2013 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by KarateKid76 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I dyed my hair. And my forehead. And my ears. And my arms. And my hands. FML

Today, I found on Facebook that my best friend of 10 years is getting married next week. I'm guessing my invite got lost in the mail. FML

#20976772
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44392) - you deserved it (3170)

On 12/01/2013 at 7:43am - misc - by JD - Australia (Tasmania)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She asked if the ring was a temporary thing until I got a better one, saw my dumbfounded face, then played it off as a joke and said yes. I later found out she'd posted on Facebook bitching about the ring, but with the privacy setting set to hide it from me. FML

#20975896
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57101) - you deserved it (5161)

On 11/30/2013 at 3:29pm - love - by fuckface? I wish (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got accused of trying to steal clothes because I was taking so long in the fitting rooms with only a couple of items. I got stuck in one of the shirts I was trying on. FML

Today, my fiancée broke up with me over text message while I was away for work. She later posted photos of her and her new boyfriend on Facebook, while still wearing my engagement ring. FML

#20972059
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51228) - you deserved it (2719)

On 11/27/2013 at 12:51am - love - by grantsidiots - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my 7 year old daughter explained to a taxi driver that she was born from my "vagina that doesn't have hair". He winked creepily at me and said, "I bet it doesn't." FML

#20970485
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42045) - you deserved it (5218)

On 11/25/2013 at 6:42pm - misc - by jazopalchris (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I discovered that my heart rate is higher while playing Tetris than it is during sex. FML

#20968767
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39236) - you deserved it (6037)

On 11/24/2013 at 7:30am - misc - by TetrisMaster - Australia

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

#20965814
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43670) - you deserved it (2934)

On 11/21/2013 at 12:52pm - animals - by thatsnotacat - Australia (Queensland)



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