FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I found out my dad ate my rabbit when I was 6 years old. He'd told me it ran away. I can't be mad at my dad; he's been dead for 5 years. FML

by jackskellington / 02/10/2015 at 11:34pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, I won a game of Monopoly against my girlfriend. She reacted by sweeping the board off the table, storming out the front door, and mowing down my mailbox driving away. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2015 at 3:42pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

by OnlyAvailableID / 02/08/2015 at 3:35am / Australia / Animals

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some friends. The first comment it got was "Just got a stiffy. 10/10." Thanks for that, dad. FML

by gali-ma / 02/07/2015 at 7:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss brought his cat to the office. Despite our no pet policy, I still managed to get the blame when the crazy animal scratched 3 colleagues and peed on the floor after my boss left for bathroom. Apparently I was supposed to be "looking after it". FML

by anonymous / 02/06/2015 at 12:16am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals

Today, I woke up with my penis taped inside a milk bottle. Yes, I'm as baffled as you are. FML

by Milked Richard / 02/05/2015 at 11:14pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered my elderly neighbour likes to roam around his yard naked and wash his balls with the sprinkler. I'm never going to grab a snack in my kitchen again. FML

by Sprinkles / 02/04/2015 at 2:44am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, when making a delivery for the restaurant I work for, a customer shoved and yelled at me because she didn't get any fries with her order. She didn't order any, which isn't unusual, considering we're a Chinese takeaway and don't even sell them. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2015 at 8:25pm / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I noticed my boyfriend had commented on a post. It said, "Tag the hottest girl you know". Yeah, he tagged his ex. FML

by Idek / 01/30/2015 at 11:27am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got attacked by a monkey. My country isn't even supposed to have monkeys in it. FML

Today, I was ringing up a woman at work. I saw she'd bought a birthday cake, so I smiled and said I hope whoever it was for has a happy birthday. She looked at me in disgust, told me to mind my own business, then called me a "chucklefuck bitch". Okay then. FML

by retailshell / 01/28/2015 at 10:01am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, I found out my boyfriend dresses in my underwear and tights, takes suggestive shots of his ass and legs, and uses them to trick people into thinking he's a girl so they buy him stuff in his online games. FML

by mybfthecrossdresser / 01/20/2015 at 10:08am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, I was playing Charades. My boyfriend, who I'd recently had a fight with, had trouble and just said his answer was the name of my celebrity twin. Nobody got it. He said "Really? It's Fat Bastard." Stunned silence followed, broken by a single "HAH." from my 'best friend'. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2015 at 6:04am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love