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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML

#20513141
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35599) - you deserved it (4003)

On 02/19/2013 at 2:55am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I walked into my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML

#20513110
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29328) - you deserved it (3981)

On 02/19/2013 at 2:01am - animals - by xtammyle - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went shopping with my two-year-old nephew. He threw a tantrum in the middle of the store because I would not show him my "boobies". A man came up to us and said I should do what my nephew wanted. FML

Today, after explaining to my four-year-old why our new puppy was peeing on things to mark his territory, my son decided to follow suit and pee all over our house. FML

#20509972
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25694) - you deserved it (6120)

On 02/16/2013 at 9:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML

#20509476
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29425) - you deserved it (6904)

On 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm - money - by an idiot (man) - Australia

Today, my mother started cursing at a lady for tooting her horn at her in traffic, because there was "no need for road rage". When I tried to calm her down, she slammed on the brakes and told me to get out and walk. FML

#20509033
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26073) - you deserved it (3404)

On 02/16/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by howannoying - Australia (Victoria)

Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML

#20498727
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26346) - you deserved it (2432)

On 02/08/2013 at 8:53pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had drinks at a friend's house before going out to a concert. I still had a bottle of beer left, so I brought it along with me. I got kicked out five minutes into the show for bringing my own drink, which is apparently against the rules. I paid $75 to get kicked out over a $3 drink. FML

#20496974
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9447) - you deserved it (41918)

On 02/07/2013 at 12:11pm - misc - by loquacious shit stain (woman) - Australia

Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML

#20495981
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22889) - you deserved it (2803)

On 02/06/2013 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I hired out a motel room so I could stay there by myself and lie to my mother and grandmother about having friends. This is the third time. FML

#20492687
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30647) - you deserved it (13795)

On 02/04/2013 at 2:45am - love - by lonelyloser - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML

#20491836
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11199) - you deserved it (28681)

On 02/03/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

#20489987
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30688) - you deserved it (19665)

On 02/02/2013 at 7:08am - misc - by ineedalife (woman) - Australia

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

#20489969
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36702) - you deserved it (4016)

On 02/02/2013 at 6:21am - misc - by footfetish - Australia (Queensland)



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