FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I went to an ATM intending to withdraw $150. I approached the machine, inserted my card, typed in my pin and followed the prompts. When my card came out, I removed it, put it in my pocket and drove off. FML

by kaailin / 02/19/2015 at 8:29am / Australia (South Australia) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after being with the company for over 3 years, I realised nobody really knows my name. This was after my boss was walking around a new staff member and couldn't introduce me. Neither could my colleague, who's been sitting next to me for the last 6 months. FML

by lonergirl / 02/18/2015 at 7:35am / Australia / Work

Today, I received a bunch of flowers from my 'lover'. This would be fine except that I don't have a lover, and my boyfriend now thinks I'm cheating. FML

by anonymous / 02/16/2015 at 7:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I threw up on a police officer who was trying to do a random breath test. I wasn't drunk or hungover. I'm pregnant and suffering morning sickness. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2015 at 10:25pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, once again I tried to convince my dad to stop smoking. And once again, while I was speaking, he lit up a cigarette and smoked until my asthma flared up and I was wheezing so hard that I had to leave the room. FML

by =( / 02/15/2015 at 9:52am / Australia / Love

Today, while at the office, a surprise Valentine's gift arrived for me, the first I've ever received. It was a box of heart-shaped cookies. From my mother. I'm 39. FML

by FMAhole / 02/13/2015 at 10:49pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, while watching a clip of the show "16 and Pregnant" on YouTube in my room, my mom yelled from the kitchen that dinner was ready. Without skipping a beat, I yelled back, "I'm pregnant!" I'm a guy. FML

by TheKingKen / 02/13/2015 at 3:40am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to a thrift store and found heaps of clothes that I loved that fit me perfectly. Then I found a special distinctive dress. My dress. My dad had thrown away heaps of my clothes and I had to buy them all back. FML

by NotMacklemore / 02/12/2015 at 11:59pm / Australia (Victoria) / Money

Today, I found out my dad ate my rabbit when I was 6 years old. He'd told me it ran away. I can't be mad at my dad; he's been dead for 5 years. FML

by jackskellington / 02/10/2015 at 11:34pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, I won a game of Monopoly against my girlfriend. She reacted by sweeping the board off the table, storming out the front door, and mowing down my mailbox driving away. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2015 at 3:42pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

by OnlyAvailableID / 02/08/2015 at 3:35am / Australia / Animals

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some friends. The first comment it got was "Just got a stiffy. 10/10." Thanks for that, dad. FML

by gali-ma / 02/07/2015 at 7:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss brought his cat to the office. Despite our no pet policy, I still managed to get the blame when the crazy animal scratched 3 colleagues and peed on the floor after my boss left for bathroom. Apparently I was supposed to be "looking after it". FML

by anonymous / 02/06/2015 at 12:16am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals