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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, while walking to work, I found out what it feels like to be hit in the face by a rolled up newspaper thrown from the window of a moving car by a paper boy doing his rounds. It hit hard enough to give me a black eye. FML

#21246995
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37356) - you deserved it (3013)

On 08/28/2014 at 6:31am - work - by newswithabitofbite (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML

#21244302
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38056) - you deserved it (5049)

On 08/24/2014 at 8:40am - animals - by abusedparrot - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had an argument with my boss and tried to text a friend about it. I accidentally texted my boss instead. FML

#21243667
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33717) - you deserved it (23773)

On 08/23/2014 at 8:28am - work - by in big trouble - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML

#21243070
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19948) - you deserved it (46325)

On 08/22/2014 at 10:35am - misc - by oops (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML

#21243022
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42652) - you deserved it (5145)

On 08/22/2014 at 8:05am - work - by haileelouxxx (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my roommate decided to throw a huge party in the early hours of the morning. I have to start at my new job soon, a window just got smashed, and I'm tired as hell. FML

Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML

#21238932
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53040) - you deserved it (9050)

On 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by gag reflex - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I began to sign "I love you" to my boyfriend from across the room. I ended up just poking myself in the eye. FML

#21238728
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32905) - you deserved it (8028)

On 08/16/2014 at 2:20am - love - by Hopeless romantic (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me. I asked why, and he said "Because sometimes you look good, and you buy me stuff." FML

#21238533
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41216) - you deserved it (6852)

On 08/15/2014 at 10:16pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML

#21236507
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39759) - you deserved it (3771)

On 08/13/2014 at 7:33am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML

#21236025
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41376) - you deserved it (8879)

On 08/12/2014 at 5:23pm - health - by facefuckedguy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I dropped my kid into a crowded wishing fountain instead of a coin. FML

#21235686
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23374) - you deserved it (38255)

On 08/12/2014 at 6:21am - kids - by jake - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I proposed to the love of my life by having the waitress place the ring in her dessert. She ate the whole thing and didn't find the ring. I guess the waitress stole the ring. FML

#21233475
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45879) - you deserved it (6324)

On 08/09/2014 at 7:03pm - love - by jakethemuss - Australia (Western Australia)



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