FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, it's my birthday. I had asked my parents for a keyboard, and I was really excited to open the massive box they gave me. It was a computer keyboard. I've been playing piano for 11 years. FML

by THANKS / 06/19/2015 at 4:37am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my co-worker told me how "lucky" I am that I "chose" to be a lesbian, because I don't have to deal with "guy drama". I spent two years of my adolescence sleeping at a bus stop and begging strangers for money after I got kicked out of home. FML

by Lesbihonest / 06/17/2015 at 9:31am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out why my mother-in-law kept asking for one particular photo of our baby. She just wanted to show off the blanket that she had made to her friends on Facebook. Her first grandchild was almost completely cropped out of the picture. FML

by AndyClara / 06/14/2015 at 4:27pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to wait for my daughter's pet python to finish taking a bath before I could take a shower and go to work. FML

by patient_mom / 06/13/2015 at 9:27pm / Australia (Victoria) / Animals

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2015 at 1:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, a customer yelled, "I'll bash your fuckin' face in, cunt" at me at 9:30am because we don't serve the lunch menu at breakfast time. Yes, the 15-year-old girl in high school is responsible for McDonald's entire menu. FML

by McFuckYouTooCunt / 06/11/2015 at 9:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, someone finally told me that they couldn't live without me and that they love me more than anything. It was a student in my year 1 class. FML

by foreveralone / 06/09/2015 at 11:15am / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids

Today, I asked my boyfriend to come hang out with me. He said he was busy and had to do homework. Since he never studies, I got suspicious and went to check up on him. I found him playing dress-up with his cat. He's 17. FML

by iamfab / 06/06/2015 at 1:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, I was having a panic attack so I went to my mum for support. She blocked her ears because my heavy breathing was annoying her. FML

by thebiteof87 / 06/01/2015 at 8:06am / Australia (Victoria) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2015 at 11:51pm / Australia / Kids

Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner that's been broken since I moved in. Instead, she came round and took away my bathroom mirror, along with all the toilet paper. FML

by meh / 05/26/2015 at 1:09am / Australia (Queensland) / Holidays

Today, I missed the spider but succeeded in keying my own car. FML

by uwotm8 / 05/23/2015 at 8:58pm / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

by wtf bro / 05/20/2015 at 4:45am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Intimacy