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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

#21025234
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56673) - you deserved it (5695)

On 01/12/2014 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years finally proposed to me at the park we first met in. As I was about to say yes, a huge fly flew straight into my mouth. I ruined the moment by choking on it and eventually spitting it out on him. I think he's rethinking the proposal. FML

#21025169
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48972) - you deserved it (4545)

On 01/12/2014 at 12:26am - love - by spitball101 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

#21019231
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56110) - you deserved it (6906)

On 01/06/2014 at 4:32pm - misc - by innocent - Australia

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text message. Every 20 minutes or so, I'll get a notification that I have a new message, and I check it just to find that same message sitting there. I'm being trolled by my own phone. FML

#21012505
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44321) - you deserved it (3723)

On 01/01/2014 at 2:49am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML

#21010264
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45055) - you deserved it (23438)

On 12/30/2013 at 7:10am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

#21007608
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41770) - you deserved it (5421)

On 12/27/2013 at 8:37pm - animals - by eyes wide SHIT (woman) - Australia

Today, I watched "Time of the Doctor" and I'm pretty sure my love of Doctor Who slithered out through my ear and shamefully lodged itself in the darkest corner of the room, crying. FML

#21005939
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30980) - you deserved it (7953)

On 12/26/2013 at 7:08am - love - by anon - Australia

Today, while staying at my brother's place for the Christmas holidays, I had to leave because he threatened to "take me outside". Apparently he doesn't like being corrected on whether a certain car has a long wheel base version, so I guess the family Christmas is over. FML

#21005745
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28306) - you deserved it (3284)

On 12/26/2013 at 12:30am - misc - by detour165 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mother was reading an annual Christmas letter from an old university friend. When she remarked that she could have married him instead of my father, I replied that she wouldn't have had me then. She then said, "Exactly, I could have had his daughter instead." FML

#21002184
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43472) - you deserved it (3617)

On 12/23/2013 at 5:44am - kids - by rejected (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got a call at 4 in the morning from the security company, saying someone had broken into my workplace. I drove an hour out there, only to find out it was a rat that had set off the alarm. FML

#21000984
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38913) - you deserved it (2994)

On 12/22/2013 at 1:56am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mother decided to inform me that she doesn't believe canned food can have an expiry date and that the food is still okay to eat years after the 'supposed' expiry date. She's probably been cooking my dinner with expired food for over 17 years. FML

#20998308
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36149) - you deserved it (4462)

On 12/19/2013 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, rather than buying one pork chop big enough for myself, I bought two smaller chops just so the cashier wouldn't think I was eating by myself. FML

#20996744
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35603) - you deserved it (7803)

On 12/18/2013 at 4:30am - love - by LonelyPorkChop - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had to tell McDonald's that my 11-year-old son thought it would be funny to take a dump in the urinal. I then had to clean it up. FML

#20994572
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37143) - you deserved it (12390)

On 12/16/2013 at 11:34am - kids - by failedfather (man) - Australia (Victoria)



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