FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

by Isabell / 02/06/2010 at 12:31am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I was in my drama class and I was standing behind the curtains. My friend accidentally bumped me into the bin that was hidden behind the curtain. Everyone heard me fall and they opened the curtains. My butt was stuck in it and my knees were in front of my face. No one helped. FML

by JD / 02/05/2010 at 8:20pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the phone to my boyfriend in England. I live in Australia. What did he talk about for 15 minutes straight? Mafia Wars on Facebook and how far he had got. FML

by MafiaWarsWidow / 02/04/2010 at 8:35pm / Australia (Victoria) / Geek

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. My mother turned to me and said, "Wait you're actually gay? I thought you were just saying that to piss off your father." I came out to her when I was 16, and have confided in her about my past relationships. FML

by EchoDearEcho / 02/04/2010 at 9:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I ran into my ex's family, and found out they are going to Europe. Funnily enough, so am I. Even funnier is the fact that we are going on the same date, at the same time, on the same flights, and the tour starts on the same day in the same place. FML

by jacques / 02/02/2010 at 9:08am / Australia (Queensland) / Holidays

Today, my sister asked me if any of my family members had commented on my recent weight gain. I told her no not really. Her reply? "They must just being saying it behind your back then." FML

by lilsis / 01/31/2010 at 12:38am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I found a wallet belonging to some guy, it had $355 inside. Because he had his address written inside, I decided to return it hoping for a reward. I drove for 40 mins and finally got to his house during peak hour. All he did was say "oh cool". FML

by Sheggie / 01/30/2010 at 12:06am / Australia (New South Wales) / Money

Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

by Sundendako / 01/27/2010 at 5:20am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up with a cordless drill on my bed. The one I lent my neighbour last week. FML

by Brummsta / 01/27/2010 at 2:41am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that removing your boyfriends boxers with your teeth is waaaay less sexy when you accidentally bite a chunk of his pubes and yank them out in the process. FML

by sexyfail / 01/26/2010 at 3:59am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML

by shitface / 01/25/2010 at 5:18am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

Today, I found out that my boyfriend isn't gay. Apparently, I just give good head. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2010 at 3:55am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and after 10 seconds he gave up and said "This is more tiring than I expected". FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2010 at 11:09am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy