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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, I was having a cheat meal after 2 weeks of strict dieting. When I opened the pizza box, I saw a cockroach. It'd been baked into the cheese. FML

#21332565
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34423) - you deserved it (6659)

On 01/07/2015 at 7:11am - misc - by ijustwantpizza - Australia (Queensland)

Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I went to leave my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML

#21332094
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24630) - you deserved it (3113)

On 01/06/2015 at 3:57pm - misc - by trixanne (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I spent hours cooking an amazing dinner for my family, who had just gotten home from a trip, so we could spend some time together because I'd started to miss everyone. When they got home, they saw it all laid out and just took plates to their room, without even telling me they were home. FML

#21331513
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27362) - you deserved it (1939)

On 01/05/2015 at 7:15pm - misc - by anon - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML

#21330517
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34954) - you deserved it (4829)

On 01/04/2015 at 5:27am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I bit into a piece of homegrown lettuce from my garden. Apparently, I'm not the only one to enjoy my produce, because I took a bite out of a small caterpillar. FML

#21330219
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28092) - you deserved it (8991)

On 01/03/2015 at 8:42pm - misc - by Malina - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mum sat me down for a serious talk about not being home enough - not because she misses me, but because the family cat needs more stability in her life. FML

#21329522
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27324) - you deserved it (2186)

On 01/02/2015 at 7:11pm - animals - by cat co-parent - Australia

Today, I went on a first date, only for us to find the restaurant wasn't open on New Year's Day. My date suggested going to the mall instead. We drove in our own cars. Me: the mall, him: home. I waited for 40 minutes before realising he'd stood me up. Happy New Year to me. FML

#21328493
77 comments

Today, I had numerous calls from people saying they need a baby sitter, because "they know I wasn't invited anywhere". FML

#21328036
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28469) - you deserved it (2190)

On 12/31/2014 at 7:52pm - misc - by Yeah-It's-Just-Me - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML

#21327810
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28900) - you deserved it (2372)

On 12/31/2014 at 1:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, my obsessive stalker of an ex found my girlfriend on Facebook and sent her a message saying just ":)". For some reason I'll never understand, she took this as a sign that I'd just slept with my ex. Now I'm single, and my ex is probably planning her next move. FML

#21324775
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31365) - you deserved it (2278)

On 12/26/2014 at 4:03pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was feeling slightly off while making out with my boyfriend. I managed to push him away, but not before I puked half-digested sushi in his mouth. FML

#21323557
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29952) - you deserved it (4122)

On 12/24/2014 at 9:02pm - health - by rossea - Australia

Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML

#21323138
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30637) - you deserved it (2327)

On 12/24/2014 at 7:03am - misc - by jflac (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out I was the top ranking sales person for 2014. What did last year's winner receive? An all-expenses paid weekend holiday. What did I receive? A ham. I'm vegetarian. FML

#21321989
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34308) - you deserved it (3525)

On 12/22/2014 at 9:24am - work - by Bahhumbug (man) - Australia (Western Australia)



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