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FMLs submitted from Australia

Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML

#21247445
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35506) - you deserved it (4683)

On 08/28/2014 at 9:47pm - love - by ch4nny (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while walking to work, I found out what it feels like to be hit in the face by a rolled up newspaper thrown from the window of a moving car by a paper boy doing his rounds. It hit hard enough to give me a black eye. FML

#21246995
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35230) - you deserved it (2705)

On 08/28/2014 at 6:31am - work - by newswithabitofbite (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML

#21244302
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37715) - you deserved it (5013)

On 08/24/2014 at 8:40am - animals - by abusedparrot - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had an argument with my boss and tried to text a friend about it. I accidentally texted my boss instead. FML

#21243667
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32658) - you deserved it (22740)

On 08/23/2014 at 8:28am - work - by in big trouble - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML

#21243070
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19033) - you deserved it (44446)

On 08/22/2014 at 10:35am - misc - by oops (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML

#21243022
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40388) - you deserved it (4648)

On 08/22/2014 at 8:05am - work - by haileelouxxx (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my roommate decided to throw a huge party in the early hours of the morning. I have to start at my new job soon, a window just got smashed, and I'm tired as hell. FML

Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML

#21238932
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47916) - you deserved it (7692)

On 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by gag reflex - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I began to sign "I love you" to my boyfriend from across the room. I ended up just poking myself in the eye. FML

#21238728
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32625) - you deserved it (8847)

On 08/16/2014 at 2:20am - love - by Hopeless romantic (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me. I asked why, and he said "Because sometimes you look good, and you buy me stuff." FML

#21238533
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38504) - you deserved it (6093)

On 08/15/2014 at 10:16pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML

#21236507
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37446) - you deserved it (3413)

On 08/13/2014 at 7:33am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML

#21236025
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41138) - you deserved it (8835)

On 08/12/2014 at 5:23pm - health - by facefuckedguy (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I dropped my kid into a crowded wishing fountain instead of a coin. FML

#21235686
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22056) - you deserved it (36091)

On 08/12/2014 at 6:21am - kids - by jake - Australia (New South Wales)



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