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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

#21137389
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60271) - you deserved it (5152)

On 05/12/2014 at 1:17am - kids - by kids -

Today, I was teaching my 4 year old daughter how to use "stranger danger". Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

#21134481
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48722) - you deserved it (6521)

On 05/08/2014 at 11:01pm - kids - by imnotastranger (man) -

Today, after getting home from the supermarket, I went to unlock the door so my dad could carry the groceries in. No matter how hard or how many different ways I tried, the lock wouldn't shift. My dad eventually grabbed the keys, twisted once, and after the door unlocked, called me an idiot. FML

#21132298
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32319) - you deserved it (9691)

On 05/06/2014 at 11:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of three years. I worked my ass off planning everything down to a T. It seemed perfect, until I actually proposed, at which point I was rejected and dumped, in front of my family, friends and two coworkers. FML

#21126146
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49837) - you deserved it (5278)

On 04/29/2014 at 10:18am - love - by willstaysingle (man) -

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

#21119041
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53960) - you deserved it (15056)

On 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by sexual parrot -

Today, my family and I went on a hike to a local abandoned gold mine, with the hopes of being able to explore the caves. What we didn't expect was four miles of treacherous, rocky, near vertical trails that led to the mine. Once we finally got there, exhausted, it was blocked off for safety reasons. FML

#21112302
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33664) - you deserved it (11509)

On 04/13/2014 at 9:57pm - misc - by bummed -

Today, I witnessed my psycho neighbor put her cat in a cage, cross into my backyard, and set the cage down before returning to her house. She then called the cops and claimed I'd stolen her cat. The cops didn't believe my side of the story for a second. FML

#21106030
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48047) - you deserved it (3304)

On 04/06/2014 at 3:37pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, after years of frustration, I got a t-shirt printed that says, "I am a girl". FML

#21097950
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37495) - you deserved it (5541)

On 03/27/2014 at 6:34pm - misc - by mookiemookie01 (woman) -

Today, I had a text message when I woke up. I was excited as I usually don't get texts from people. Turns out it was from T-Mobile. They text me more than actual people do. FML

#21091718
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37591) - you deserved it (4636)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:15pm - misc - by skrumpp (man) -

Today, I had to explain to my husband that it's biologically impossible for cats and dogs to cross-breed, and that his "brilliant idea" of getting ours to mate is just plain disturbing. He still doesn't believe me. FML

#21084031
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38479) - you deserved it (4154)

On 03/11/2014 at 2:51pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, it was snowing. After answering a call, I put my phone into my jacket pocket, and hurried across the road. I quickly realised my phone hadn't slipped into my pocket after all, and I turned around in time to see a snowplow go by. I couldn't find my phone in the snowdrifts. FML

#21081494
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39120) - you deserved it (5750)

On 03/08/2014 at 4:43pm - misc - by shoopbadeewoop (man) -

Today, I went to an auction for the first time. When the run-down house I wanted to bid for came up, I opened bidding at £12,000 and surprisingly won. Feeling pleased, I turned to the person next to me and said, "Lucky me!" She replied, "Yes, lucky you!" and then under her breath said, "Cockhead". FML

#21080041
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37692) - you deserved it (8876)

On 03/06/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I taught my 12-year-old brothers that showering cannot be used as a substitute for deodorant, and that they should use both. One of them was almost in tears. FML

#21077693
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39104) - you deserved it (4485)

On 03/04/2014 at 8:37am - kids - by :/ -



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