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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, we got a new seating arrangement in my science class. I'm now sitting between two people who have spent the last 20 minutes whispering dirty things to one another. FML

#19026330
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20093) - you deserved it (1863)

On 02/08/2012 at 1:15pm - love - by Anonymous -

Today, I was attacked by a bird at 3 in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No-one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML

#19026198
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17592) - you deserved it (1252)

On 02/08/2012 at 12:45pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I sneaked off work early. As I was in the elevator on the way down to leave, it stopped at my boss's floor, and he got in. FML

#19025200
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4932) - you deserved it (33759)

On 02/08/2012 at 8:26am - work - by ronz -

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

#19023542
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18813) - you deserved it (2596)

On 02/08/2012 at 12:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I had to give my husband a tutorial on how to use jumper cables. Confused and flustered, he requested written instructions. FML

#18975500
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15383) - you deserved it (2247)

On 02/02/2012 at 9:50am - misc - by MM (woman) -

Today, my son sprayed our white couch with Febreze. This would have been great, were the "Febreze" not actually black spray paint. FML

#18969036
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19838) - you deserved it (2572)

On 02/01/2012 at 2:35pm - kids - by Anonymous -

Today, I came home to a furious wife and an answering machine message from a woman neither of us know claiming I got her pregnant. My wife won't believe she got the wrong number. FML

#18932189
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26454) - you deserved it (1842)

On 01/28/2012 at 8:40am - intimacy - by Innocent (man) -

Today, I had a testicular ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was a very attractive woman. This is the first time in the past four and a half years a woman has touched my package, and I had to get health issues to make it happen. FML

#18931517
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18881) - you deserved it (2470)

On 01/28/2012 at 3:35am - intimacy - by BigDT (man) -

Today, I attempted to cheat on a test by writing some notes on my hand. During the test I had a question. I raised my hand. FML

#18855245
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5423) - you deserved it (55059)

On 01/19/2012 at 6:26pm - misc - by tiptoesjohnson -

Today, at school, I was scheduled to give a presentation to my class. As I arrived, my teacher said to me, "You're bleeding from the 120th pimple on your left cheek." FML

#18854508
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33504) - you deserved it (2919) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/19/2012 at 4:59pm - misc - by elite -

Today, I found out the hard way what it sounds like when you take the first letter of my first name, A, and put it with my last name, Hole. FML

#18533442
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17725) - you deserved it (2472)

On 12/17/2011 at 2:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML

#18444451
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9239) - you deserved it (31869)

On 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my house was broken into. How? My mom left a key under a flower pot on the porch. She also left a note on the door saying so. He stole all of my guitars. FML

#18404759
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25375) - you deserved it (1669)

On 12/01/2011 at 5:00pm - misc - by Aaron -



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