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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

#21295420
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39295) - you deserved it (5152)

On 11/09/2014 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I spent all day making preparations and buying food for my upcoming birthday. It's not for a party, though - none of my friends wanted to come. I'm preparing for the launch of the new World of Warcraft expansion. FML

#21295219
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31096) - you deserved it (6554)

On 11/09/2014 at 2:51am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I confronted my boyfriend after I found him cheating on me with my best friend. It ended up with me apologising for spying on him. FML

#21293948
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35299) - you deserved it (17049)

On 11/07/2014 at 7:28am - love - by Turnaround (woman) -

Today, I witnessed a hit-and-run. I used my phone to write down the license plate for the police. However, I didn't notice that my phone had autocorrected the number. FML

#21291857
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34996) - you deserved it (3873)

On 11/04/2014 at 9:01am - misc - by fuckshit (man) -

Today, we are reading Animal Farm in class. Almost the entire class think it's about animal abuse. Including the teacher. FML

#21291068
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38495) - you deserved it (2827)

On 11/03/2014 at 6:04am - misc - by literature -

Today, I was walking back to my dorm with my boyfriend. He was being really sweet as he held my hand. We were about to kiss goodnight and as he pushed some hair out of my face he said, "Can we hurry it up? I'm about to rip one." FML

#21289293
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30358) - you deserved it (3438)

On 10/31/2014 at 8:39pm - love - by grossedout -

Today, my sister ended her long and extremely annoying crush on Justin Bieber. I can only hope one day my girlfriend will end hers too. FML

#21282066
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33397) - you deserved it (3864)

On 10/20/2014 at 10:29pm - love - by DanTheMan (man) -

Today, my dad told me someday I'll find a man who wants a nice lumberjack for a wife. FML

#21279635
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31425) - you deserved it (3025)

On 10/17/2014 at 4:14am - love - by axewoman -

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

#21278162
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41400) - you deserved it (5047)

On 10/15/2014 at 2:27am - misc - by burritobreasts -

Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after pill, saying "It's for my acne." FML

#21270394
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36025) - you deserved it (4240)

On 10/03/2014 at 11:08pm - health - by Disappointed -

Today, I waited for over an hour in a park for a date who didn't show up. I finally left because someone came up to me and accused me of creeping on their kids. FML

#21267321
65 comments

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our six-month anniversary. And by that, I mean he brought along his obnoxious best friend, and I paid for everyone's dinner at an expensive restaurant. FML

#21262754
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34031) - you deserved it (7113)

On 09/21/2014 at 10:11pm - love - by thnxbabe -



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