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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML

#20826589
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47555) - you deserved it (8748)

On 08/08/2013 at 12:43am - misc - by AnnoyedByFriends -

Today, I caught my roommate pouring back his leftover milk from his cereal back into the jug to "save money." FML

#20799167
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44071) - you deserved it (3313)

On 07/23/2013 at 9:21am - misc - by why (man) -

Today, I walked to work. I later discovered that my husband had parked my car in a no-parking area. My job is towing cars. I had to tow my own car. FML

#20775203
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49545) - you deserved it (5132)

On 07/10/2013 at 11:04pm - work - by Anonymous -

Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML

#20772031
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42846) - you deserved it (5761)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by traveling -

Today, at the office, my most annoying client asked me to send her a document. I have now sent it to her over 5 times, in a different format each time, and every single time she replies with, "Not in the requested format". She won't tell me what the requested format is. FML

#20709289
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47070) - you deserved it (3963)

On 06/06/2013 at 8:38am - work - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my boyfriend of two years, whom I supported through the death of his father, and whose invalid mother I also took care of, suddenly dumped me. The fact that I've put on a little weight due to recent stress disgusts him, and he "can't date a chubster". FML

Today, I found out that me having a boyfriend is an on-going family joke. FML

#20694663
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42760) - you deserved it (3774)

On 05/30/2013 at 1:37am - love - by I'm a joke? -

Today, I took a nap, and I had a dream that my ex-girlfriend got back together with me. I woke up in a great mood. When I went back to bed, I dreamed that she broke up with me, again. FML

#20670246
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43516) - you deserved it (5690)

On 05/18/2013 at 1:22am - love - by Sarsippius -

Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML

#20670019
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40634) - you deserved it (11792)

On 05/17/2013 at 10:59pm - love - by moo... -

Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML

#20668540
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56390) - you deserved it (4771)

On 05/17/2013 at 3:21am - intimacy - by Uncomfortable (woman) -

Today, I woke up without my fiancé in bed next to me, but I assumed he'd gone to work early. I went on Facebook to find that he had posted a break-up post to himself from my account and set my status to single. I then found a note with "Sorry" written on it stuck to the kitchen counter. FML

#20663501
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52715) - you deserved it (3227)

On 05/14/2013 at 6:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend. Being the mature one, I went up to her and said, "Hey, how's it going?" She maced me and kept walking. FML

#20644793
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46168) - you deserved it (10120)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:06am - misc - by wat_dafuq_bro (man) -

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

#20640404
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63914) - you deserved it (14058)

On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -



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