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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I showed up for my first shift in my new night job; I now work at an apartment complex in the day and a gas station at night. It turns out that our biggest problem tenant in the former happens to be my boss in the latter. FML

#21476584
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22693) - you deserved it (1460)

On 10/05/2015 at 8:23pm - work - by Doublescrewed (man) -

Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML

#21474532
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24111) - you deserved it (2760)

On 09/30/2015 at 9:13am - misc - by Nick Pat (man) -

Today, my sister and I checked into our cheap hotel in Brussels as part of our month-long Europe trip. At 11pm we awoke to the sound of a mouse chewing through a bag of food we'd bought. At 3am we awoke to bedbugs. We slept in the bathroom. FML

#21472271
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22432) - you deserved it (3638)

On 09/24/2015 at 4:15pm - misc - by BuggedinBelgium -

Today, I accidentally farted at a board meeting. My boss thought it came from the one guy sitting next to me, and gave him hell for being a pig. I was too mortified to say anything, even when the guy blamed it on me, which caused my boss to rage at him for lying and then to kick him out. FML

#21470559
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22351) - you deserved it (11311)

On 09/20/2015 at 11:23am - work - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

#21470063
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31833) - you deserved it (2809)

On 09/18/2015 at 10:56pm - intimacy - by Lady Vulva of the Redwater (woman) -

Today, I found out that after three years of telling my boss our strategy wasn't going to work, that I was right - it didn't work. I also found out that because it didn't work, I lost my job. My boss still has his. FML

#21469422
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23203) - you deserved it (1475)

On 09/17/2015 at 3:14am - work - by Unemployed (man) -

Today, I asked my teacher if he could tutor me for my upcoming exam. He said he'd look into it and let me know later. I later got called to the principal's office because my teacher claimed I'd propositioned him for sex. FML

#21467271
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25228) - you deserved it (1435)

On 09/11/2015 at 12:34pm - misc - by hale_551 (woman) -

Today, in the early hours of the morning, I woke up in sleep paralysis, hallucinating the sight of children hanging from the ceiling. Now I'm scared to sleep. FML

#21466828
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26220) - you deserved it (1737)

On 09/10/2015 at 8:32am - health - by bwoolf96 -

Today, I caught two kids passing notes to each other in my class, so I told them to see me afterwards. When one of the kids eventually came up, I noticed he was crying. He looked up at me and sobbed out, "I was trying to make my first friend!" FML

#21466251
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26470) - you deserved it (7157)

On 09/08/2015 at 8:03pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my boyfriend has been sulking like a moody kid all day, all because I won't set my phone background to a picture of his dick. FML

#21464487
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25576) - you deserved it (2987)

On 09/04/2015 at 11:58am - intimacy - by natalyV (woman) -

Today, while making out in my car, the guy I was with decided it'd be a great idea to stick his tongue in my ear. He shoved it in so far that my ear still feels wet four hours later. FML

#21464284
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25232) - you deserved it (3052)

On 09/03/2015 at 9:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, my idiot kid brother set my shirt on fire with a magnifying glass while I was taking a nap outside. FML

#21463887
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23793) - you deserved it (2548)

On 09/02/2015 at 8:32pm - kids - by girl on fire (woman) -

Today, my parents made me quit a school team that I absolutely loved, because women "aren't supposed to play sports." and were worried that if I stayed on the team, I'd develop a manly physique. FML

#21463369
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30119) - you deserved it (1959)

On 09/01/2015 at 1:02pm - misc - by Anonymous -



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