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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, after nearly eight months of unemployment, I started a great new job. After seven and a half hours of work, my new boss comes up to tell me what a great job I was doing, but that he somehow forgot to clear the new hire with the company owner, so I'm fired. Hello, unemployment... again. FML

#5675476
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33498) - you deserved it (1782)

On 10/06/2009 at 12:06am - work - by perpetuallyscrewed (man) -

Today, I was holding my baby daughter during a checkup. To reassure her, I was kissing the back of her head while the Dr. was checking her hearing. After a few minutes, I realized the Dr. had put his hand to steady her head. I was kissing his hand. FML

#4210609
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36725) - you deserved it (20952)

On 08/01/2009 at 5:37pm - misc - by smoochie -

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

#3604059
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17831) - you deserved it (56739)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I sat on an elevator for 10 minutes thinking I was stuck. After waiting awhile I looked at the screen to see what floor I was stuck on, only to realize I hadn't pressed a button so I had just stayed on the ground floor. FML

#3578218
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7374) - you deserved it (58083)

On 07/08/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by Nancy (woman) -

Today, I went into work to change a shift I was unable to work. I phone the first person on the employee sheet and they promptly answer by saying "You still work here? I thought the manager fired you..." I was fired last week and have been showing up for shifts without anybody noticing. FML

#3572353
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42494) - you deserved it (5569)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:21am - work - by mannnnn (man) -

Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML

#3571839
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44116) - you deserved it (3392)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:02am - kids - by campmom (woman) -

Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

#44
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39469) - you deserved it (11057)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:57pm - love - by Mr Eek -

Today, though it’s been a month since I removed the plaster from my wrist, it still stinks of feet. FML

#42
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28005) - you deserved it (5792)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:56pm - misc - by Lud@l -

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML

#41
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43199) - you deserved it (9025)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:56pm - love - by Crawling -

Today, I went to see a movie with the girl I've liked for months. After the commercials, she told me she had to go to the ladies room. She never came back. FML

#40
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58657) - you deserved it (4146)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:56pm - love - by Lo -

Today, I was writing to my girlfriend on msn when her roommate answered «Sorry, this is not Marie, she is at her boyfriend’s». Really? I've looked everywhere in my flat, I can’t find her. FML

#39
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68974) - you deserved it (3481)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:56pm - love - by Icy -

Today, I tried to pick up two girls by asking them what time it was. They burst out laughing. FML

#38
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15027) - you deserved it (49043)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:55pm - love - by SweeT -

Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her: my 17-year-old cousin. I went to my parents' unoccupied bedroom. My sister's baby walkie-talkie was switched on, and the whole family heard me. FML

#37
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24024) - you deserved it (109342)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by VIVI -



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