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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I put on some goggles on in the pool, only to go underwater and see an old man "discreetly" jerking it. FML

#9152447
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33158) - you deserved it (3888)

On 03/17/2010 at 2:12am - intimacy - by today -

Today, I was proposed to in a McDonald's. FML

#9127255
444 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58238) - you deserved it (13577)

On 03/16/2010 at 6:55am - love - by hater -

Today, I chose a cute tank top and some shorts to wear. Later, I was shopping at Target with my dad when he pointed to a girl in the same isle and said to me, "Don't ever dress like that. It looks cute on her, but you couldn't pull it off." She was wearing shorts and a tank top. FML

#9124871
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25108) - you deserved it (4113)

On 03/16/2010 at 2:42am - misc - by Stella Grubner -

Today, my mom cleaned my room, while doing so she found a very detailed sex book I got from an ex boyfriend as a "gift". For years I had her convinced I was still a virgin, until today. FML

#8886526
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6529) - you deserved it (23984)

On 03/07/2010 at 3:13am - intimacy - by laydeegaga -

Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML

#8382778
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15582) - you deserved it (2190)

On 02/17/2010 at 7:30pm - intimacy - by noosher0990 -

Today, I took my wife and newborn baby girl home from the hospital. While waiting for the elevator, an elderly couple leaned over, saw our baby, and said, "Look, it's the fat kid that was in the nursery." My baby is six and a half pounds, and my wife hasn't stopped crying. FML

#7296814
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34498) - you deserved it (2379)

On 01/12/2010 at 8:10am - kids - by mickey1928 -

Today, I went to go see my boyfriend of over two years in a play. I knew that he'd be kissing his female opposite at the end of the show and I was okay with that. I snuck into his dressing room at intermission to find him "rehearsing" with her half naked. FML

#6309781
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41202) - you deserved it (2872)

On 11/15/2009 at 2:51am - love - by irishbitch (woman) -

Today, after nearly eight months of unemployment, I started a great new job. After seven and a half hours of work, my new boss comes up to tell me what a great job I was doing, but that he somehow forgot to clear the new hire with the company owner, so I'm fired. Hello, unemployment... again. FML

#5675476
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33470) - you deserved it (1780)

On 10/06/2009 at 12:06am - work - by perpetuallyscrewed (man) -

Today, I was holding my baby daughter during a checkup. To reassure her, I was kissing the back of her head while the Dr. was checking her hearing. After a few minutes, I realized the Dr. had put his hand to steady her head. I was kissing his hand. FML

#4210609
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36699) - you deserved it (20945)

On 08/01/2009 at 5:37pm - misc - by smoochie -

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

#3604059
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17812) - you deserved it (56715)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I sat on an elevator for 10 minutes thinking I was stuck. After waiting awhile I looked at the screen to see what floor I was stuck on, only to realize I hadn't pressed a button so I had just stayed on the ground floor. FML

#3578218
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7368) - you deserved it (58049)

On 07/08/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by Nancy (woman) -

Today, I went into work to change a shift I was unable to work. I phone the first person on the employee sheet and they promptly answer by saying "You still work here? I thought the manager fired you..." I was fired last week and have been showing up for shifts without anybody noticing. FML

#3572353
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42473) - you deserved it (5568)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:21am - work - by mannnnn (man) -

Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML

#3571839
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44076) - you deserved it (3392)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:02am - kids - by campmom (woman) -



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