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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was leaving school to get tested for peptic ulcers, because my stomach has been hurting for a few months. To wish me luck, one of my friends gave me a friendly punch in the stomach. I threw up blood. FML

#14893456
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47821) - you deserved it (3034)

On 02/08/2011 at 7:48am - health - by soccerscout7 -

Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML

#14892103
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9436) - you deserved it (30468)

On 02/08/2011 at 2:58am - work - by Shane -

Today, I found out the real reason why me and my boyfriend of four and a half months have "so much in common". He used to be my stalker, who followed me around in a black hoodie and always posted stuff on my Myspace as an anonymous person. FML

#14888727
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37933) - you deserved it (5952)

On 02/07/2011 at 10:22pm - love - by Hopeless -

Today, I told my new boss to wish his daughter a happy birthday on my behalf, as I overheard him saying it was today. Turns out she committed suicide three years ago. FML

#14886336
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44367) - you deserved it (7724)

On 02/07/2011 at 7:54pm - misc - by um -

Today, the nicest thing said to me all day was from my microwave that flashes 'enjoy your meal' when it finishes cooking something. FML

#14872504
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28957) - you deserved it (3644)

On 02/06/2011 at 9:05pm - misc - by bymyself -

Today, my boyfriend left for a 2-year job posting in China. We had agreed to maintain a long distance relationship and even worked out a visiting schedule. Later that night, after trying to reach him, I realized the numbers he gave me weren't for China. The country code doesn't even exist. FML

#14871372
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36354) - you deserved it (3554)

On 02/06/2011 at 7:58pm - love - by dumbass -

Today, I noticed that after a month of using my gel, it never seems to empty. I then found out my older brother and his friends had been pumping their man-juice into it. FML

#14838014
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73552) - you deserved it (6774)

On 02/04/2011 at 9:08am - intimacy - by theish -

Today, I scraped the ice off my boss's car windows and thought it'd be funny to scrape a swastika in the ice on his roof. I didn't realize until it thawed off that it scratched it into the paint. He didn't find much humor in it and is making me pay for the damage. FML

#14836415
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7488) - you deserved it (78064)

On 02/04/2011 at 3:11am - work - by Username -

Today, I woke up and stepped out of bed right into a pile of dog crap. Acting quickly, I jumped on to my other foot, which would have been a great idea, except for this morning there were two piles. FML

#14836412
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32028) - you deserved it (5769)

On 02/04/2011 at 3:11am - animals - by unknown -

Today, I came home from a vacation. It had snowed, so I decided to shovel the front walk. While shoveling, I found a dead skunk frozen solid on the sidewalk. I tried to pick it up with my shovel, but it stuck. It won't move 'til the ice melts. FML

#14830455
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26063) - you deserved it (2929)

On 02/03/2011 at 7:59pm - misc - by theyreallydosmell -

Today, my boyfriend finally got me to orgasm, for the first time in my life, after trying for months. He started laughing when I climaxed. I asked why. Apparently I look like an Down's Syndrome child when I climax. FML

#14830027
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40534) - you deserved it (6499)

On 02/03/2011 at 7:28pm - intimacy - by Embarrassed -

Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML

#14821107
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30006) - you deserved it (2999)

On 02/03/2011 at 12:33am - health - by Kay -

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

#14820910
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32292) - you deserved it (6196)

On 02/03/2011 at 12:17am - intimacy - by anonymous -



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