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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was talking to my manager about a movie. She asked what main actors were in it, but the only one I could remember was Forest Whitaker. I told her then immediately blurted out "You know, the one with the freaky lazy eye." My manager has a lazy eye. FML

#13873380
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7538) - you deserved it (28970)

On 11/17/2010 at 2:34am - work - by workaholic -

Today, a customer was rude to me, and I was rude back. He then asked for my manager, and I told him I was the store manager. He then identified himself as the corporate owner. FML

#13871078
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14146) - you deserved it (50031)

On 11/16/2010 at 10:43pm - work - by T_Willl -

Today, I was getting ready for the school swimming carnival and was running very late. I reached for my deodorant and sprayed it on. It was only when I was at the pool that I realized I had accidentally grabbed the spray tan and covered my underarms in it. FML

#13862354
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9366) - you deserved it (24047)

On 11/16/2010 at 5:07am - misc - by huulo -

Today, I volunteered to help out at an elementary school. I accidentally elbowed a little girl in the face while playing tag. And an hour later, a little boy flew out of his swing because I accidentally pushed him too hard. They're both siblings and are my child psychology instructor's kids. FML

#13849266
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23820) - you deserved it (8126)

On 11/15/2010 at 2:26am - work - by Anonymous -

Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML

#13848931
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29934) - you deserved it (4183)

On 11/15/2010 at 1:48am - misc - by mynameisarmpit (man) -

Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a make-shift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

#13847901
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18024) - you deserved it (6082)

On 11/15/2010 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my family had a secret meeting on my "puberty issues." I'm 21. FML

#13847372
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27040) - you deserved it (3186)

On 11/14/2010 at 11:26pm - intimacy - by vansboy -

Today, I was alone in my dorm room rehearsing comments to make in my writing class tomorrow. I grew up with a severe stutter, and rehearsing like this is one of the ways I keep my speech under control. What I didn't plan on was my roommate walking in. I think she now thinks I'm schizophrenic. FML

#13846681
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21325) - you deserved it (2497)

On 11/14/2010 at 10:43pm - misc - by stutterernotschizophrenic (woman) -

Today, I saw that my ex-boyfriend was online and had no plans. I felt extreme happiness knowing he had no life. Then I realized that I was online and had no plans. FML

#13843258
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8997) - you deserved it (32995)

On 11/14/2010 at 6:09pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I text messaged my mom from Afghanistan to let her know everything was okay. She responded, telling me not to message her so much because "the price of text messages really adds up." FML

#13842937
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35648) - you deserved it (3153)

On 11/14/2010 at 5:26pm - money - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I went to get a box of cereal and I knocked over a bottle of olive oil. It took me about half an hour to clean up. When I finally finished, I found out the box of cereal was empty. FML

#13842142
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22534) - you deserved it (3801)

On 11/14/2010 at 3:33pm - misc - by cerealfail -

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. Just as we were ready, his mom called to say happy anniversary. She was so excited for us, she was going to stop by. After throwing out our unused and only spare condom, she called us and said she was just kidding, and to enjoy ourselves. FML

#13842104
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26956) - you deserved it (5025)

On 11/14/2010 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by sad gf -

Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall next to me. He attempted to make small talk to pass the time. FML

#13005012
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29072) - you deserved it (3166)

On 09/11/2010 at 2:59pm - misc - by wantontsu -



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