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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML

#13848931
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29905) - you deserved it (4182)

On 11/15/2010 at 1:48am - misc - by mynameisarmpit (man) -

Today, I thought my house was being broken into in the dead of night. Frightened, I dismounted a floor lamp as a make-shift weapon and crept through the house, channelling my inner Ellen Ripley. It turned out to be the wireless printer with a paper jam. FML

#13847901
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18002) - you deserved it (6080)

On 11/15/2010 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my family had a secret meeting on my "puberty issues." I'm 21. FML

#13847372
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26525) - you deserved it (3144)

On 11/14/2010 at 11:26pm - intimacy - by vansboy -

Today, I was alone in my dorm room rehearsing comments to make in my writing class tomorrow. I grew up with a severe stutter, and rehearsing like this is one of the ways I keep my speech under control. What I didn't plan on was my roommate walking in. I think she now thinks I'm schizophrenic. FML

#13846681
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21304) - you deserved it (2496)

On 11/14/2010 at 10:43pm - misc - by stutterernotschizophrenic (woman) -

Today, I saw that my ex-boyfriend was online and had no plans. I felt extreme happiness knowing he had no life. Then I realized that I was online and had no plans. FML

#13843258
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8754) - you deserved it (32396)

On 11/14/2010 at 6:09pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I text messaged my mom from Afghanistan to let her know everything was okay. She responded, telling me not to message her so much because "the price of text messages really adds up." FML

#13842937
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35611) - you deserved it (3150)

On 11/14/2010 at 5:26pm - money - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I went to get a box of cereal and I knocked over a bottle of olive oil. It took me about half an hour to clean up. When I finally finished, I found out the box of cereal was empty. FML

#13842142
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22499) - you deserved it (3797)

On 11/14/2010 at 3:33pm - misc - by cerealfail -

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. Just as we were ready, his mom called to say happy anniversary. She was so excited for us, she was going to stop by. After throwing out our unused and only spare condom, she called us and said she was just kidding, and to enjoy ourselves. FML

#13842104
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26918) - you deserved it (5021)

On 11/14/2010 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by sad gf -

Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall next to me. He attempted to make small talk to pass the time. FML

#13005012
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29037) - you deserved it (3166)

On 09/11/2010 at 2:59pm - misc - by wantontsu -

Today, I found out what "supersoaked" means. I thought it meant getting shot by a water gun, which is why I laughed when my daughter's boyfriend said he "supersoaked" her. FML

#12894594
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30590) - you deserved it (6188)

On 09/04/2010 at 12:15am - intimacy - by FMyLife5915 -

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

#12894128
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40078) - you deserved it (6549)

On 09/03/2010 at 11:47pm - health - by lalalasmiles06 -

Today, I got my wisdom teeth taken out. The two male doctors told me they'd give me anesthesia, but when they did, I could still hear them. I heard them talking about my breasts and how flat they were for a 17 year old. FML

#12894056
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37347) - you deserved it (3056)

On 09/03/2010 at 11:43pm - misc - by mandy16 (woman) -

Today, my roommate informed me that he took a bet to not shower or bathe until Christmas. The bet is for five bucks. FML

#12890603
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27810) - you deserved it (2327)

On 09/03/2010 at 8:11pm - misc - by stink (man) -



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