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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML

#14019965
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28062) - you deserved it (4224)

On 11/29/2010 at 2:11am - health - by unknown951 -

Today, there are rumors flying around my office that I hooked up with the guy who picks his nose and leaves boogers under tables. I didn't. Last night I took a shower at my boyfriend's place, who happens to use the exact same body wash and shampoo as the office outcast. FML

#14019566
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22611) - you deserved it (3102)

On 11/29/2010 at 1:23am - intimacy - by AntiAxe -

Today, I told my mom that I wanted professional head-shots done for Christmas. When asked why, I said "I want to submit them to a modeling agency." My mom exchanged looks with my sister before laughing so hard that she wet herself. FML

#14019347
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25314) - you deserved it (6252)

On 11/29/2010 at 1:01am - misc - by brandiboobarry -

Today, I found out my best friend has a massive head lice infestation. It wasn't until after I'd used her hairbrush to brush my hair that I figured it out. FML

#14018478
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23221) - you deserved it (6459)

On 11/29/2010 at 12:03am - health - by caliibbyy -

Today, I went in to work to check my new schedule for the week. I searched up and down and didn't see my name listed. After talking to my manager, he decided it would be easier to "release" me than remake a new schedule. FML

#14014833
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21933) - you deserved it (1791)

On 11/28/2010 at 7:41pm - work - by moshgra -

Today, I signed up to a Christian website in order to try and 'find God again'. I got banned. FML

#13982900
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15339) - you deserved it (23153)

On 11/26/2010 at 1:44am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML

#13972992
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33560) - you deserved it (3842)

On 11/25/2010 at 9:48am - animals - by Seline -

Today, a car hit me. I didn't get hurt, but someone called 911. The old woman who had hit me got out of the car with no problem to look at me, and gets back into the car. When the police arrive, she pulls out crutches and said I made strange faces and made her hit me. I got blamed. FML

#13972453
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32833) - you deserved it (2214)

On 11/25/2010 at 8:28am - misc - by Tom -

Today, while at work, I got fired because I was 'hitting' on my boss's wife who also works in the same company. Since when does 'asking for paper clips' mean 'hitting on'? FML

#13971755
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27826) - you deserved it (2453)

On 11/25/2010 at 5:25am - work - by Peter -

Today, after buying my girlfriend a $700 bracelet for Christmas, I hinted that I wanted a pair of Oakleys. She told me I shouldn't get her anything and that I should expect even less. FML

#13959024
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23848) - you deserved it (7501)

On 11/24/2010 at 5:55am - money - by hoogimo -

Today, at work, I handed an old man his drink, and our fingers accidentally brushed. He gave me a creepy wink and a smile, but I ignored it. He's now been sitting in the store for two hours watching me. Only 4 hours to go until I get off. FML

#13950658
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24298) - you deserved it (2144)

On 11/23/2010 at 3:53pm - work - by Username -

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend of a year because I discovered she had been cheating on me. Her defense was, "It wouldn't be a problem if you were just OK with this." FML

#13946366
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32538) - you deserved it (2738)

On 11/23/2010 at 4:32am - intimacy - by anonymous -

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to see more of his passionate side. He pushed my head down towards his lap. FML

#13945313
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25095) - you deserved it (12639)

On 11/23/2010 at 1:50am - intimacy - by Username -



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