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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I missed work because I was at the hospital getting treated for accidentally inhaling chlorine gas. I didn't realize that using Comet Industrial Strength Cleanser to scrub out a cat litter pan could be so hazardous. FML

#14189532
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9210) - you deserved it (21564)

On 12/13/2010 at 10:27am - health - by lakb -

Today, I was driving my family home, when my 7 year old son had to pee. Having long since passed any rest stops, I made him use a bottle. Once he was done, he grenaded the bottle out the window, hitting someone's windshield dead on. FML

#14186917
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10420) - you deserved it (30411)

On 12/13/2010 at 2:35am - misc - by wtfson -

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years, the father of my son, has been the pervert who has been harassing my mother with weird texts and pictures of his knob. The cops told me after we went to the police station to report it and catch the creep. FML

#14185511
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30226) - you deserved it (3289)

On 12/13/2010 at 12:01am - intimacy - by grossed the f out -

Today, I went to my local pharmacy. Walking in, the security guard rudely asked me what I was going to buy. I brushed him off and walked in. I was paying and told the cashier what happened. She said "Sorry, we get a lot of hobos, they tend to steal." FML

#14151481
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25533) - you deserved it (4545)

On 12/10/2010 at 6:37am - misc - by iamnotuseless -

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom that I'm gay. She sympathetically patted my back and told me I don't need to make up excuses for me being so unattractive to women. FML

#14150656
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32104) - you deserved it (5091)

On 12/10/2010 at 3:24am - misc - by augh -

Today, I admitted to my girlfriend that I'd kissed another girl five days before we got together. She told me, "That's OK, I slept with my boss last week." FML

#14150330
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42880) - you deserved it (7242)

On 12/10/2010 at 2:29am - intimacy - by rob -

Today, my wife was complaining she always has to put up the Christmas tree. So this year while she was out shopping, I decided to put it up. I set it too close to the fireplace and it caught fire. I'm a firefighter. FML

#14149224
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12059) - you deserved it (36774)

On 12/10/2010 at 12:11am - misc - by 479firefighter -

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I've been considering breaking up with my girlfriend so I don't have to buy her a Christmas present. FML

#14148009
394 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7522) - you deserved it (77509)

On 12/09/2010 at 10:19pm - money - by fmlguy -

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. He then told me that he will love me forever, wait for me and will follow me to the ends of the earth. Apparently, that means standing outside my door and calling my house phone every five minutes. It's been 3 hours straight now. FML

#14138501
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31249) - you deserved it (8289)

On 12/09/2010 at 1:00am - love - by Anonymous -

Today, I don't know anyone in the city where I just moved. I felt really lonely so I picked up my cat to try and cuddle with her. She freaked out and ripped my face apart. She ran then away to go play with the cats outside. Even my cat has more friends than me. FML

#14138227
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27754) - you deserved it (4571)

On 12/09/2010 at 12:33am - love - by owew -

Today, at work, a customer left their cell phone behind. I tried to see if there were any pictures so that I could identify them. No, I still don't know what they look like, but I have seen their penis. FML

#14129124
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19718) - you deserved it (16166)

On 12/08/2010 at 6:47am - intimacy - by khaelian -

Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in the fishing show that was on. When the guy lost a fish, he got so disappointed that he became completely flaccid. FML

#14128362
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28677) - you deserved it (5323)

On 12/08/2010 at 3:46am - intimacy - by fishruinsex -

Today, feeling so depressed to the point of having suicidal thoughts, I texted a girl I had a crush on. Her response? "Can you please delete my number, you're getting annoying." FML

#14127475
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29814) - you deserved it (17931)

On 12/08/2010 at 1:26am - health - by whyme -



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