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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my wife got her second kidney stone in a month. I gave her some pills to help with the pain. An hour later she started hallucinating, pulled down her pants and tried to pee on our couch. FML

#14282049
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27462) - you deserved it (6004)

On 12/21/2010 at 4:25am - health - by qwaynick -

Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML

#14279606
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25088) - you deserved it (3920)

On 12/21/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Username -

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's parents offered her a trip to Europe if she dumped me. She accepted, and broke up with me. Her parents were lying. FML

#14271579
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38161) - you deserved it (3370)

On 12/20/2010 at 11:15am - love - by pinkfloyd777 -

Today, while I was walking home from work, it started to rain. Clutching my bag in one hand, I started to run so I wouldn't get too wet. I saw a man running towards me and all of a sudden he tackled me to the ground. He thought I had stolen someone's handbag. FML

#14269836
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32601) - you deserved it (2857)

On 12/20/2010 at 6:23am - misc - by anonymous -

Today, I went horseback riding with this guy I like. I asked him to help me get on the horse. I slipped, and while trying to keep my balance, I kicked him in the face. FML

#14267759
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23846) - you deserved it (5062)

On 12/20/2010 at 1:22am - love - by Me -

Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML

#14263079
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37494) - you deserved it (5940)

On 12/19/2010 at 7:23pm - intimacy - by hotmommy -

Today, I thought it would be funny to hide behind the ice machine at work and jump out randomly and scare people. This resulted in my first victim whacking me in the head with a skateboard. FML

#14222956
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6101) - you deserved it (54930)

On 12/16/2010 at 10:29am - work - by me -

Today, in art class, we made plaster masks. We were supposed to put Vaseline on our partner's face so the plaster didn't rip their facial hair out. My partner forgot to put it on my eye brows and eye lashes. My face is now completely hairless. FML

#14217567
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31909) - you deserved it (6384)

On 12/15/2010 at 9:30pm - health - by Charlayyyy -

Today, I woke up to the sound of sirens. My ex-girlfriend, who I had broken up with the day before, had set my car on fire. I had just finished restoring it. I was going to insure it today. FML

#14212180
147 comments

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML

#14211006
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28459) - you deserved it (7872)

On 12/15/2010 at 6:57am - work - by Mike -

Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML

#14209539
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18193) - you deserved it (6707)

On 12/15/2010 at 1:15am - animals - by Olive14 -

Today, I found out that the fat sweaty guy at my job frequently uses my rub-on deodorant and puts it back in my drawer after he's done. FML

#14209126
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31210) - you deserved it (2778)

On 12/15/2010 at 12:27am - work - by anonymous -



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