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Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML

#14821107
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27280) - you deserved it (2754)

On 02/03/2011 at 12:33am - health - by Kay -

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

#14820910
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30686) - you deserved it (6041)

On 02/03/2011 at 12:17am - intimacy - by anonymous -

Today, I accidentally drank my sister's science project. Her science project consisted of taking a glass of orange juice and putting maggots in it to see if they would live. I thought it was just pulp. FML

#14820384
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38706) - you deserved it (22613)

On 02/02/2011 at 11:46pm - misc - by Username -

Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML

#14815475
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23286) - you deserved it (5689)

On 02/02/2011 at 6:57pm - misc - by hehe -

Today, while my boyfriend was inside me, he got a text message. He actually stopped thrusting to reply. FML

#14808267
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34644) - you deserved it (5517)

On 02/02/2011 at 4:48am - intimacy - by fml -

Today, I was walking home from the gym. I was thinking about how proud of myself I was for losing 34 pounds when someone yelled from a car window, "Look at that fat lump!" FML

#14805618
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35507) - you deserved it (3623)

On 02/02/2011 at 12:07am - health - by notafatlump -

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She's a sock puppet. FML

#14802825
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18771) - you deserved it (65182)

On 02/01/2011 at 9:32pm - intimacy - by seepeezy32 -

Today, a snow storm rolled into my small town, leaving my car stuck under 3 feet of snow. I called my boss to tell her I couldn't drive to work. Her reply? "Walk." FML

#14795725
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29732) - you deserved it (5478)

On 02/01/2011 at 10:40am - work - by Username -

Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML

#14793203
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28899) - you deserved it (3693)

On 02/01/2011 at 1:37am - misc - by Stormbringer -

Today, my boss called me Ashley. My name doesn't even start with an A. I even wear a name tag. You would think after nearly four years, your boss would remember your name. Every time he speaks to me, it's a different name. FML

#14793014
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27481) - you deserved it (3622)

On 02/01/2011 at 12:56am - misc - by LynzG -

Today, I decided to wake my fiancé up by giving him a blow-job. When he finally started to wake up he called me by his ex's name. FML

#14791115
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39501) - you deserved it (5714)

On 01/31/2011 at 7:33pm - intimacy - by MollyMadamme -

Today, my boyfriend told me the thing that gets him really horny. Apple sauce. FML

#14786538
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29823) - you deserved it (5198)

On 01/31/2011 at 10:47am - intimacy - by Username -

Today, the company I applied for called up congratulating me in getting the job. I was ecstatic. Quickly enough I texted a few mates that I'd got the job. Twenty minutes later they called again saying the trainee had accidentally called the wrong applicant. FML

#14786523
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31408) - you deserved it (2739)

On 01/31/2011 at 10:44am - misc - by kkkk -



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