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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

#21278162
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39617) - you deserved it (4650)

On 10/15/2014 at 2:27am - misc - by burritobreasts -

Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after pill, saying "It's for my acne." FML

#21270394
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35932) - you deserved it (4229)

On 10/03/2014 at 11:08pm - health - by Disappointed -

Today, I waited for over an hour in a park for a date who didn't show up. I finally left because someone came up to me and accused me of creeping on their kids. FML

#21267321
65 comments

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our six-month anniversary. And by that, I mean he brought along his obnoxious best friend, and I paid for everyone's dinner at an expensive restaurant. FML

#21262754
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31894) - you deserved it (6413)

On 09/21/2014 at 10:11pm - love - by thnxbabe -

Today, the man who hit on me in a store and asked for my number showed up on my doorstep to inquire about my couch for sale. With his wife. FML

#21262712
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32407) - you deserved it (2517)

On 09/21/2014 at 9:27pm - misc - by ohtheirony -

Today, my girlfriend texted me saying, "I have some Durex and want your help" so I rushed to her house. She had meant to say "Dulux". I had to help her paint her bedroom. FML

#21257403
95 comments

Today, I fell asleep with my luggage at a bus terminal. Upon waking up, I found that someone had opened my bags and stolen all my socks. FML

#21255144
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36565) - you deserved it (7132)

On 09/09/2014 at 4:23pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML

#21252587
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48465) - you deserved it (7646)

On 09/05/2014 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by onlywantuanyway -

Today, my younger sister ran into my room, telling me someone was trying to break in. We were home alone, so she went to hide as I took a crowbar and followed the intruder. Just as I was about to swing, he turned around: it was my dad. I had to explain to my sister that burglars don't have keys. FML

#21251987
62 comments

Today, while my orthodontist was working on my teeth, she made the comment, "Wow! It looks like a murder scene in there!" FML

#21250795
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32309) - you deserved it (4775)

On 09/02/2014 at 9:35pm - health - by Gee... Thanks (man) -

Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML

#21250726
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50616) - you deserved it (2858)

On 09/02/2014 at 7:38pm - misc - by SadAndDeaf -

Today, some random bloke introduced himself at a bar by asking to fuck me. I got tongue-tied trying to say both "fuck off" and "please go away". I ended up telling him to "Please fuck away." FML

#21242424
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38774) - you deserved it (7184)

On 08/21/2014 at 12:36pm - misc - by royallymessedup -



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