FMLs submitted from

Today, I broke up with my now ex-girlfriend for the 5th time. She still hasn't got the hint. FML

by husks / 04/12/2011 at 12:08am / Love

Today, the maintenance man 'fixed' a leak in my apartment by flooding the place. FML

by sproket / 04/11/2011 at 7:37pm / Miscellaneous

Today, we had a tornado warning and I told my parents I loved them, just in case. My dad just said "see you in Kansas". FML

by anonymous / 04/10/2011 at 11:26pm / Miscellaneous

Today, is my birthday. Everyone forgot except my stalker. He rang the door bell the second it turned 12:00. FML

by hopeless / 04/08/2011 at 11:03am / Love

Today, I stepped outside my office building for a smoke break and I witnessed a mugging so I ran over to stop it. I succeeded in getting mugged instead of the original target. I then couldn't get into my building until a coworker left an hour later. My boss was mad and still doesn't believe me. FML

by Fired / 04/08/2011 at 7:58am / Work

Today, I was in the emergency room. The doctor told me that my injuries and back problems are the intensity of those after a car accident. I slipped on a grape. FML

by ridella / 04/08/2011 at 6:35am / Health

Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I'd be right back. I thought I'd put him on mute. Turns out he heard everything as I took the biggest dump I've ever taken. We haven't talked since. FML

by Payte / 04/08/2011 at 1:31am / Love

Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML

by failure / 04/08/2011 at 1:24am / Intimacy

Today, I was at a local talent show and during a piano performance I had to go to the bathroom. I sang along in the bathroom but was unaware how loud I was until I walked out and everyone started applauding me while the pianist was still playing. FML

by American idol / 04/06/2011 at 2:19am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication due to the high level of stress that I experience at my job. Unfortunately, I cannot afford the medication because I do not make enough money at said job. FML

by Username / 04/05/2011 at 11:26pm / Money

Today, I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was "Does she know?" FML

by notacreeper / 04/05/2011 at 8:00pm / Love

Today, while attempting to sneak out of my boyfriend's parents' house during my walk of shame, I fell down the stairs, spilling cherry coke all over myself, their walls, and the carpet. FML

by stairmaster / 04/05/2011 at 3:47am / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my boss I was too sick to come to work. He asked if I had a late night so I told him I stayed in. Apparently I ran into him at a bar last night and was too drunk to remember it. FML

by randa / 04/05/2011 at 3:30am / Work