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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML

#14263079
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37195) - you deserved it (5911)

On 12/19/2010 at 7:23pm - intimacy - by hotmommy -

Today, I thought it would be funny to hide behind the ice machine at work and jump out randomly and scare people. This resulted in my first victim whacking me in the head with a skateboard. FML

#14222956
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6021) - you deserved it (54537)

On 12/16/2010 at 10:29am - work - by me -

Today, in art class, we made plaster masks. We were supposed to put Vaseline on our partner's face so the plaster didn't rip their facial hair out. My partner forgot to put it on my eye brows and eye lashes. My face is now completely hairless. FML

#14217567
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31856) - you deserved it (6372)

On 12/15/2010 at 9:30pm - health - by Charlayyyy -

Today, I woke up to the sound of sirens. My ex-girlfriend, who I had broken up with the day before, had set my car on fire. I had just finished restoring it. I was going to insure it today. FML

#14212180
146 comments

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was "I farted". Well, at least they all laughed. FML

#14211006
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28367) - you deserved it (7863)

On 12/15/2010 at 6:57am - work - by Mike -

Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML

#14209539
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18110) - you deserved it (6699)

On 12/15/2010 at 1:15am - animals - by Olive14 -

Today, I found out that the fat sweaty guy at my job frequently uses my rub-on deodorant and puts it back in my drawer after he's done. FML

#14209126
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30699) - you deserved it (2749)

On 12/15/2010 at 12:27am - work - by anonymous -

Today, my girlfriend made a delicious birthday breakfast, and she said there would be a surprise at the end. Today is not my birthday, it's her ex's. FML

#14200439
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33984) - you deserved it (2607)

On 12/14/2010 at 8:32am - love - by A. nonymous -

Today, I missed work because I was at the hospital getting treated for accidentally inhaling chlorine gas. I didn't realize that using Comet Industrial Strength Cleanser to scrub out a cat litter pan could be so hazardous. FML

#14189532
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9197) - you deserved it (21529)

On 12/13/2010 at 10:27am - health - by lakb -

Today, I was driving my family home, when my 7 year old son had to pee. Having long since passed any rest stops, I made him use a bottle. Once he was done, he grenaded the bottle out the window, hitting someone's windshield dead on. FML

#14186917
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10395) - you deserved it (30368)

On 12/13/2010 at 2:35am - misc - by wtfson -

Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years, the father of my son, has been the pervert who has been harassing my mother with weird texts and pictures of his knob. The cops told me after we went to the police station to report it and catch the creep. FML

#14185511
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30166) - you deserved it (3286)

On 12/13/2010 at 12:01am - intimacy - by grossed the f out -

Today, I went to my local pharmacy. Walking in, the security guard rudely asked me what I was going to buy. I brushed him off and walked in. I was paying and told the cashier what happened. She said "Sorry, we get a lot of hobos, they tend to steal." FML

#14151481
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25187) - you deserved it (4503)

On 12/10/2010 at 6:37am - misc - by iamnotuseless -



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