Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML

#15059457
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36972) - you deserved it (13279)

On 02/21/2011 at 12:01am - intimacy - by anonymous -

Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML

#15025975
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40460) - you deserved it (4113)

On 02/18/2011 at 8:06am - work - by sickly -

Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML

#15025129
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9891) - you deserved it (42163)

On 02/18/2011 at 4:33am - work - by Username -

Today, I brought home a ukulele I had just bought. Excited, I showed my dad. He then looked at me, smirked, and said "Just like everything else you have, it's a bit smaller than normal." FML

#15024724
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32971) - you deserved it (5287)

On 02/18/2011 at 2:55am - misc - by Austyn -

Today, I came home to a lease violation and a $220 fine after a routine pest control visit. The violation: my single beta fish in a small bowl. FML

#15023779
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26883) - you deserved it (4543)

On 02/18/2011 at 12:19am - animals - by Username -

Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML

#15021227
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29391) - you deserved it (7401)

On 02/17/2011 at 10:02pm - misc - by justmyluck? -

Today, my boyfriend fed me chocolate chip cookies with laxatives in them because he was concerned I did not poop enough. FML

#15012596
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37548) - you deserved it (4024)

On 02/17/2011 at 3:08am - health - by clashgurl8449 -

Today, I ran out of toilet paper in the bathroom. I was forced to use tissues to do the job. As if that wasn't bad enough, the sanitizer in the tissues gave me a rash that made me have to stand up frequently in the lecture hall. Several people asked if I had Tourette's. FML

#15011813
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27212) - you deserved it (4016)

On 02/17/2011 at 1:22am - health - by no more tp -

Today, lice were found in my hair. At the hair salon. I'm now banned from that salon. FML

#15000870
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28936) - you deserved it (11561)

On 02/16/2011 at 9:26am - health - by mojolady -

Today, I woke up to a bloody nose. Instead of rushing to the bathroom, I creatively dripped the blood over a knife for photography class because the assignment was to show emotion. So many of the students and faculty were disturbed that I'm now forced to talk to the school psychologist. FML

#15000344
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25754) - you deserved it (38680)

On 02/16/2011 at 7:56am - misc - by rhartnett11 -

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night because I was thirsty. In my groggy state, I grabbed the first bottle of liquid I could find, opened it, and took a sip. It was nail polish remover. FML

#14998091
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17079) - you deserved it (40116)

On 02/16/2011 at 12:55am - misc - by Jade -

Today, my Dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

#14998029
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48549) - you deserved it (3906)

On 02/16/2011 at 12:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, my girlfriend found an enormous rose arrangement in the back seat of my car. The flowers were from my fire chief to his wife. I forgot to deliver them. I now have to replace them since my girlfriend thinks I got them for her. The arrangement cost $225. FML

#14989370
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13198) - you deserved it (40929)

On 02/15/2011 at 10:30am - love - by Dj sMoZ! -



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: